


Thankful

by jinhoes



Series: Pentagang [1]
Category: Pentagon (Korean Band)
Genre: Abuse, Gangs, Homophobia, M/M, family abuse in specific, kids who don't know what to do, minor hui/hyojong/kino, minor jinhongseok, minor wooseok/yuto/shinwon, offensive slurs, some really cute fluff and some not so cute angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8757619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinhoes/pseuds/jinhoes
Summary: When Yan An brought Changgu his glass of water, the older of them smiled easily, no hint of his thoughts displayed on his face, and Yan An smiled back and made a stupid joke, and they were friends.Fuck, Changgu really wanted them to stay friends.[SERIES DISCONTINUED]





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a project I am beginning to inspire myself to write more regularly.
> 
> Check the warnings please! They only apply for this story, not the rest that will be posted.
> 
> I know there are likely errors in this, as the length means I only read it over once. Please forgive me for any inaccuracies about medical things too, I didn't research as much as I could have and tried to leave things vague.
> 
> And also, forgive me for things that aren't explained, or that seem wrapped up too easily. I have more story to wrap up in the future.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ptg tumblr: jin-hoes  
> 

_ September 5th, Busan _

 

The start of the second semester was always the worst, in Changgu’s opinion. Besides the fact that it signified the end of summer (which he loved, always a fan of hot weather even if most kids his age balked at a temperature over seventy), it also reminded him that he was only halfway through his year of schooling, and he hated it.

 

While the morning flew by easily enough, he was quickly discovering he had no friends in his morning class, and it made his mood drop throughout the time period. Changgu was far from the most talkative of people, and the prospect of making new friends was somewhat daunting.

 

He complained over lunch- kimchi and rice- about this, and his friend Jiwoo listened with sympathy on his face. It was the disconnected kind, the kind that read  _ “that would really suck if that happened to me” _ rather than any real pity, but Changgu didn’t mind as long as he was able to get his thoughts out of the way.

 

Halfway through discussing something that had happened in one of his English studies, Jiwoo abruptly climbed to his feet, forcing Changgu to cut off suddenly, and waved across the room. “Sit here!”

 

Half miffed and embarrassed at being interrupted, he took a moment to turn around and follow the gaze through the cafeteria, just in time to see a tall and gangly boy with a closed-mouthed smile wave back at his friend and then start over. As he came closer into view, Changgu made more observations about him- he was Chinese, clearly, he doubted there was a hint of Korean in him. Second, he was nice. This observation wasn’t found on any evidence- the boy hadn’t even opened his mouth yet, there was no way for him to know for sure- but rather a sense of feeling. The kid radiated some sort of soft energy that made Changgu relax just at the sight of him. And three, he was wealthy- one could tell just by the clothes on his back that he had more money than some of the kids in this school combined, Changgu included. 

 

The school was located in a pretty poor area of Busan, so he couldn’t help but idly wonder how many times people had attempted to rob Yan An, with the high crime rate in this area.

 

“Annyeong,” the one in question said, the one word showing off a strong Chinese accent, and Changgu was instantaneously endeared. He sat across from Jiwoo; therefore, directly beside Changgu. For some reason, he didn’t mind.

 

“Yan An-ssi, this is Yeo Changgu-ssi,” Jiwoo said, clearly realizing they didn’t know each other.

 

“I know,” said Yan An, confusing Changgu instantly. “We have morning classes together.”   
  
“We do?” Changgu asked before he could think through his words. “No offense.”   
  
“It’s fine,” Yan An said, with a little awkward laugh that made Changgu feel bad at not noticing. “We do, yeah.”

 

“Sorry,” Changgu apologized, smiling unsurely. “I’m not really awake in the morning.”

 

Yan An waved his words off, expression dismissive. “Yeah, but no one really is.”

 

“You’re Chinese?” May as well get straight to the first question on his mind.

 

Yan An nodded, seeming somewhat shy at the question. “I am. I moved here a few years ago, since my mom got a job here.”

 

“That’s pretty cool,” Changgu said, his feelings honest and his mind interested, but he didn’t want to press the kid for more questions when they’d literally just met a few minutes ago. “How do you two know each other?” He gestured between Yan An and Jiwoo, as though there was any possible way that they could think he meant someone else.

 

Jiwoo looked almost embarrassed by the expression on his face. “Remember how I told you I was shit at math this year?” When Changgu nodded, more to hear the rest of the explanation than actual definitive memory of this, Jiwoo laughed- bitter and mournful. “Mom made me get a tutor over the break.”

 

“When it comes to math, you can call me Yan-Genius,” Yan An said with a wink to the both of them, and Changgu laughed loudly, leaned over his tray of kimchi. The reaction seemed to delight the culprit, and the grin on his face grew more pleased and good humored.

 

Jiwoo rolled his eyes, dropping his head onto his arms. “He’s told me that, like, ten times.”

 

\---

 

_ September 28th, 12:16 _

 

As the days went by, Changgu learned a lot about Yan An. He learned the guy may have been cute and soft-voiced, but he wasn’t actually that shy, just insecure over his Korean (Changgu thought he really shouldn’t be, and had told him so several times, to no avail). He was also funny, his sense of humor an abnormal, childish kind that was fresh and incredibly endearing.

 

Towards the end of September, Jiwoo pulled him aside suddenly as they left for lunch, taking Changgu by the arm and pulling him the opposite direction of Yan An. After hastily waving goodbye, Changgu made his confusion as obvious as he possibly could to the other boy, even as he allowed himself to be led out of the cafeteria and around the corner, into the rarely used boy’s bathroom. There was a school legend that some kid had died there a decade or so before, but more commonly you just heard about boys taking girls in there to fuck. To say the least, he was incredibly confused as to why Jiwoo was dragging him there.

 

“What?” Changgu finally voiced, Jiwoo dropping his arm at last. He resisted the urge to rub at the spot there, feeling sore from the tugging.

 

Jiwoo looked serious, and frazzled, with his eyes darting around constantly- to the stalls and again to the door, waiting for someone to enter at any moment. At Changgu’s question, he appeared to steel himself more. Even then, the wait for him to answer the question was agonizing. 

 

“... I need to talk to you,” he said, lame and anticlimactic.

 

“No fucking shit,” Changgu said, rolling his eyes and leaning back against the wall. “I’m going to be late to class.”

 

“Me too,” Jiwoo said, lacking concern. “Look, just listen- we should probably stop talking with Yan An-ssi.”

 

The look Changgu gave him was disbelieving, and a little amused. It actually took him a moment to comprehend that he had truly said what he said. And when that was finally acknowledged by his brain, his expression became even more confused. “What the fuck, Jiwoo?”

 

“I know,” Jiwoo said, placating as best he could before Changgu got annoyed- he was already annoyed, and a bit insulted that Jiwoo had even  _ suggested _ something so stupid. “Look, I know, it sounds stupid, but I found something out the other day.”

 

“Is this about him being Chinese?” Changgu demanded, not really listening to Jiwoo’s attempt to start explain, and now it was Jiwoo’s turn to get a sour look on his face.

 

“No? What the hell Changgu, give me more credit than that.”

 

“What else, then?” the defensiveness was rising the more this topic carried on, fierce enough to surprise even himself, but he didn’t really mind the feeling. “He’s been nothing but sweet to you.”

 

“I know, okay?” Jiwoo said, sounding a bit more desperate for Changgu to listen- so he calmed down, and prompted Jiwoo to keep talking. “Look, this isn’t- it’s not really about Yan An.”

 

“How the fuck is this not-!?” Changgu started, the volume of his voice rising, and cut off when Jiwoo gave him a pleading look. He sighed, and nodded for Jiwoo to continue.

 

“Last night, I went over to Yan An’s house to pay some money for the tutoring, you know? It was the last amount we owed for it and there wasn’t really a better time for it this week than now, so I rode my bike over and walked up to his house, but when I knocked on the door nobody came. I thought that was a little weird, because they would usually all be home at that point, but I figured they must have just left or something, so I decided I’d just give it to Yan An at school today, because no big deal.”

 

“What’s the point?” Changgu asked, more annoyed than before, and vaguely aware he was being a little too harsh.

 

“The point,” Jiwoo said, now with an edge to his tone, “is that I was walking back to my bike, and Yan An came around the back of the house with three other people, unlocked the door, and went inside.”   
  
“... So?” He was very confused on why this was important. “I’m sure he has more friends than us.”

 

“It’s about who they were,” Jiwoo said, leaning towards Changgu and dropping his voice, like he was afraid someone was just going to jump out from one of the stalls and catch them. “Look, dude- Yan An was with  _ Hyojong _ .”

 

Changgu stopped cold, freezing, and struggled to gather himself. “... You must have seen wrong.”

 

“That’s what I thought,” Jiwoo insisted, the pace of his words picking up while Changgu’s brain struggled to keep pace. “I thought there was no way Yan An would be anywhere with Hyojong. I stuck around and tried to see them through the windows, but the blinds were shut. So I just… walked back up to the porch and knocked again.”   
  
“No way in hell,” Changgu said, shaking his head. “You thought Hyojong might be in there, and you did that?”   
  


“I really hoped I was wrong,” Jiwoo said plainly, nodding his head in confirmation. “When Yan An answered the door, I tried to see if I could see anyone, but nobody else was around. So I just gave Yan An the money and left.”   
  
“That still doesn’t mean shit,” Changgu pointed out.

 

“I texted my brother,” Jiwoo said. Jiwoo’s brother was eighteen, and knew a thing or two about almost everyone in the school. Jiwoo said it was because he was lonely and insane, even though the brother insisted it was just curiosity, and normally he freaked Changgu out. Now though, he was eager to hear more of what Jiwoo had to say. “He told me that Yan An’s always with that group.”

 

“Have you seen him?” Changgu asked bluntly, somewhat interrupting. “Like, no offense to him, he’d great, but there’s no way he’d-”

 

“- join a gang?” Jiwoo finished, almost matching tone with Changgu. “I know. Really dude, I know. I don’t think it makes any sense, but I know what I saw.”

 

“Did you recognize the other two?”

 

Jiwoo shook his head slowly. “No, I have no idea who they were. But the one guy? Definitely Hyojong. He’s got that hair, y’know?”

 

Changgu did know, the infamous dry looking messy and light blonde hair, dyed even when he still went to school despite multiple detentions and calls home about it. So he nodded, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“So we shouldn’t talk to him anymore,” Jiwoo emphasized, expression uneasy. “We-  _ I _ \- can’t get caught up in that shit, man.”

 

“Maybe it’s not what it looks like,” Changgu suggested, his voice cracking unsurely on the first word, but finishing with determination. “No- it can’t be.” He pulled himself from the wall and brushed his bangs back from his face. “I’m going to talk to him.”

 

“You can’t!” Jiwoo protested, his voice squeaky with surprise as he reached out and grabbed Changgu’s arm tightly, holding him from leaving the bathroom. “He’ll know it was me!”

 

“I won’t mention you,” Changgu promised, looking at Jiwoo intently. “I promise you. I’ll ask in another way.” He glanced down at his watch and groaned, realizing he was five minutes late for class, yet him material was still in his locker. “I really have to go to class. I’ll talk later.”

 

Jiwoo looked him over, gaze inspecting, then nodded agreeably and released him. “Yeah. Yeah, alright. Call me later.”

 

“I will.”

 

\---

 

WIthin three minutes of the final bell ringing, Changgu had caught up with Yan An, catching sight of his tall, skinny figure from across the courtyard. He yelled out his name and when the Chinese kid turned around, he received a bright, genuine smile in response. This guy was so sweet, there was no doubt in Changgu’s mind that the issue was nothing more than a misunderstanding.

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Yan An asked when Changgu pulled up next to him, and Changgu shrugged casually.

 

“Nothing much. Wanna hang out today?”

 

Yan An hummed, glancing to the side like he was thinking, but Changgu could tell from the quirk in the corner of his mouth that he was joking. “I mean… I have a really busy schedule, Changgu-ssi.”

 

Changgu gasped, clutching to Yan An’s shoulder with mock-desperation. “Anie! Please, tell me you can make time for me! Please!”

 

Yan An’s exterior cracked a little at the ridiculous picture before him, but he managed to shake his head slowly. “I’m not sure that’s possible-”

 

“Please Anie!” Changgu exclaimed, taking Yan An’s hand and pressing the back of it to his forehead while he bowed deep. “I’m a great friend, I deserve some time!”

 

Yan An was quiet, and then tremors sent through his arm made it clear to Changgu that he was laughing. He swatted him away with the back of his hand like he was a petulant child, and Changgu laughed too.

 

“Yeah, sure, come over,” Yan An said, grinning and adjusting the straps on his backpack. “You have to help me with physics homework, though.”   
  
“If you help me with math, it’s a deal,” Changgu conceded, and the pair set down the sidewalk to Yan An’s house. Conversation about their days came so easily that he’d almost forgotten his ulterior motive until Yan An himself brought it up, indirectly.

 

“What did Jiwoo want after lunch today?”

 

Changgu’s blood froze, and his mind stuttered as it desperately searched for an answer. He gave the first one that came to mind, hoping it sounded as reasonable as possible. “He realized we had a worksheet due last second and wanted to copy mine. He was kind of an asshole about it really, but I gave it to him.”

 

“Huh,” Yan An said, his tone a half-laugh. “He’s weird. He came to my house last night, y’know?”

 

“He mentioned that,” Changgu said, a little too fast and a little too high pitched, and he tried to cover it up by coughing. Yan An appeared to chalk it up throat issues, because he didn’t acknowledge it.

 

“Yeah. It was weird, he didn’t stay or anything, but I guess he must have been busy or in a hurry or something.”

 

Changgu shrugged, mentally searching for an opening in this conversation to ask questions, but everything he could think of was too obvious, so he switched topics instead. “Do you have people over often?”

 

“When my parents aren’t home, yeah,” he admitted. “My mom works late a lot and my dad has business trips, so that’s most of the time.”

 

“Who do you usually have over?” Changgu had seen an opening and seized it, thinking he may get some sort of hint here. Yan An’s answer disappointed him.

 

“Not a lot of different people. Mostly Jiwoo, other students, or family friends. Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t invited you over yet.”

 

“Yeah, I guess I’m an actual friend now or something,” Changgu teased, and Yan An laughed like a giggle bubbling in his throat. Changgu had to forcibly resist the urge to pinch his cheeks or squish his face for being so cute.

 

“I guess so,” Yan An said cheekily, sighing heavily.

 

“Brat,” Changgu said fondly, putting his hands in his pockets of his blazer and scanning the houses. Those that were closer to the school were the nicer kind, so it was no wonder than Yan An lived around here. “Are we close by?”

 

“Right here, actually,” Yan An said, pointing at a house a couple doors down. It was nice, lacking in peeling paint and with actual living and healthy looking grass (even though it was almost October? That didn’t make any sense. Fucking rich people).

 

The interior was cozy and warm, smelling like citrus from some sort of freshener. Changgu marveled at the nice looking kitchen to one side and the open living room on the other, before turning to Yan An, who looked very amused by the interest on his friend’s face. “Your house is great.”   
  


“Thanks,” he said sheepishly. “But you haven’t even left the doorway yet.”

 

“Then show me around,” Changgu ordered, stepping into the house itself. “What kind of house guest are you?”

 

“A good one!” Yan An insisted, joining him and walking onward into the living room. “You can set your stuff down in here,” he offered, and Changgu took him up on it while scanning the walls. They were lined with family photos, of two parents and Yan An of various ages. Spotting one photo, he snickered and stepped up to the wall. “Aw, you were so cute!”

 

Small Yan An in the photo was probably about seven years old, positively beaming at the camera with melted ice cream running down his chin and onto his white shirt. The bright smile and wide eyes were very adorable, and Changgu was reluctant to look away from it. To his sadness, Yan An grabbed the photo and placed it face down on top of the fireplace.

 

“No,” he said simply. “It’s gross, I keep asking Mom to replace that photo with something else, but she never does.”

 

“I think it’s fucking cute,” Changgu cooed, turning to face the older version of Yan An. “You’re cute, Anie.”

 

“We’re doing homework and hanging out, not giving love confessions,” Yan An said, and Changgu rolled his eyes, plopping down on the couch and opening his bag while grumbling under his breath. Yan An turned on the TV at low volume- a  news program that probably came with cable or something, because Changgu had never seen it before. He pulled out his own homework too and they worked in relative silence for a while.

 

Changgu thought his head may burst, wanting so badly to ask the questions buzzing through his mind so wildly. He kept searching for the most subtle one to ask, considering how he may get some answers out of Yan An, but nothing was coming to mind.

 

Ah. Fuck subtlety.

 

“Do you know Kim Hyojong?” Changgu asked in a tone as natural as he felt he could keep it. He had his answer almost instantly- Yan An’s head snapped up as his body stiffened, and Changgu had to do his best to act surprised at the reaction while his pulse rate quickened because oh  _ shit _ , what the  _ fuck _ .

 

“I’ve heard of him,” Yan An said after a second, and Changgu almost laughed at how fake that answer sounded, how he knew it wasn’t the truth. “Why?”

 

Changgu shrugged, looking back down to his math like any fraction of his thoughts at all were focused on the paper in front of him. “Rumors.”

 

“What kind of rumors?” Yan An asked insistently, leaning forward. Changgu was curious at the intensity of his curiosity, but supposed it made sense if what he thought was true was true.

 

“Rumors about that gang recruiting more people. Young people.” That part was completely, one hundred percent true.

 

There was a local gang in Busan, infamous and well known in the area. It had taken form the year prior with a recent graduate at the time named Lee Hwitaek at its head, and had gained followers very quickly. Amongst those followers was Kim Hyojong, a noted delinquent at the high school, and Yang Hongseok, a recent graduate and well known bully. Recently, there were rumors circulating that Hwitaek had managed to recruit three kids for the gang, Kang Hyunggu among them. Changgu wasn’t sure he believed that, considering how nice of a kid he knew Hyunggu was, but he didn’t doubt for a second that the gang- what did they call themselves? Ah,  _ Pentagon _ \- could very well be operating.

 

“Weird,” Yan An said, following a moment of silence, and shifted back against the back of the couch. “That’s weird.”

 

“Why weird?” Changgu questioned, well aware that he was pushing, but the subject had already been breached.

 

“That the gang is getting kids,” Yan An elaborated, and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what they’d want them for.”

 

Changgu thought that Yan An’s acting wasn’t half bad, but there was a lilt to his tone that kept Changgu doubtful and certain of his own assumptions. “Ownership, I guess.”

 

Changgu was positive that he hadn’t imagined the sour look that crossed Yan An’s face at his suggestion, and his hands grew sweaty with anxiety. “I’m thirsty, can we get something to drink?”

 

Yan An started in surprise, and jumped up, so quick he almost spilled his textbook and notes to the floor. “Oh, yeah, sure. One second.”

 

“Thanks,” Changgu said appreciatively, watching Yan An’s back disappear around the corner. Once his friend was gone, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting him. This situation… was so unbelievably messed up. He half thought this was some sort of stupid prank that Jiwoo and Yan An were playing on him, and at any moment they’d tell him they’d been playing the whole time. Then they’d laugh at the idea that Yan An could ever participate in something even somewhat similar to a gang, and go back to normal.

 

When Yan An brought Changgu his glass of water, the older of them smiled easily, no hint of his thoughts displayed on his face, and Yan An smiled back and made a stupid joke, and they were friends.

 

Fuck, Changgu really wanted them to stay friends.

 

\---

 

_ October 24th, 2 a.m. _

 

The dial tone was one of the worst sounds Changgu had ever heard, his phone held so tight to his face that his ear was beginning to ache from the pressure. He pulled his jean jacket over himself, not much for warmth but better than nothing, and prayed that he’d get a response this early in the morning. His could feel his breath and see it in the cold, but his own blood in his ears made the loudest sound as he scrambled along the sidewalk.

 

When the call was picked up, he was so relieved he could almost cry. No matter how much he tried to even his breathing, it was to no avail, and he was sure that his voice sounded ridiculously desperate.

 

“... Hyung?’ It was definitely early, if he was being addressed that way and with a slur to his voice. He’d clearly woke him up, as was to be expected with a call like this.

 

Even though he knew exactly why he’d called, and why he needed to call, he still hesitated. His speech stuttered, slurring through words and coming out too fast, but he knew he got the point across.

 

“... Hey, Yan An. Can I come over?”

 

\---

 

Changgu thought he couldn’t be more endeared to this kid, and yet here he was.

 

He was sitting in Yan An’s living room, a familiar sight over the last month or so, with a thick blanket over his shoulders and a cup of hot tea thrust into his hands. He’d arrived in the doorway and hadn’t even knocked before Yan An had ripped the door open, pulling Changgu inside.

 

“You’re freezing!’ he admonished, almost scolding, and rubbed his hands up Changgu’s arms to channel some amount of heat into the body of his friend. “Fuck, are you okay? No, of course you’re not fucking- ah, go sit down in the living room.”

 

Changgu had obeyed without a word, and Yan An had joined him a few minutes later with the tea and blanket, fussing like a mother would over her child, and in this instance it was comforting to Changgu rather than patronizing, and he appreciated it a lot, even though he just  sat the tea aside and just focused on hugging the blanket to his body. Yan An sat himself directly beside him and pulled Changgu to his chest, a tight and comforting hug. And for the first time since he’d arrived, Changgu allowed himself to breathe and relax. He leaned into Yan An and just breathed for a while, focusing on the familiar scent of his friend and the nice feel of him combing through his hair, and the soft humming sounds coming from his throat. He felt comfortable after a bit, and was incredibly thankful, even ready to go to sleep despite the situation.

 

A question came to mind.

 

“Where are your parents?” he asked, voice softer than normal, and Yan An’s hand paused in his hair- Changgu mourned the repetitivity of the motion.

 

“Dad’s in Japan on business, and Mom’s on vacation in Jeju,” he said, moving his hand to Changgu’s shoulder to hold him securely. “But, Changgu, are you okay?”

 

“Fine,” Changgu mumbled in response, and turned his face further into Yan An’s chest as though to hide from the questioning. “I’m fine, I just need somewhere to stay for the night.”

 

“Did he hurt you?” Yan An asked after a moment, turning Changgu’s head over with his hand so that he could inspect his friend’s face. He found no visible marks, but that didn’t mean anything at all.

 

Changgu yawned and closed his eyes, sagging a little further as he released any remaining tension he was holding in his body. “I’m really tired Anie, can we talk tomorrow?”

 

Yan An seemed reluctant, but agreed anyway a few seconds later. Changgu was incredibly grateful for it. “Yeah, alright. But you’re not sleeping here, come on.”

 

Exhausted, mentally and physically, Changgu obeyed and stood up, swaying a little and pulling the blanket tightly around his shoulders. Yan An guided him further down the hall than he’d so far been, until they reached a semi-open door with a bed inside. Yan An pushed him in the direction of it and moved back, intending to say good night, but Changgu reached out fast and captured his wrist in his hand.

 

“Please don’t leave me alone,” he requested quietly, and though he felt bad for the pressuring of his words, there was no way in hell Yan An could have said no to that.

 

Changgu slid under the sheets and curled tightly in on himself, intending to go straight to sleep. After a few seconds he felt the bed dip and knew Yan An had joined him. There was a slight chill under the covers while they were lifted, and he made a faint noise of complaint before the temperature returned to normal.

 

They sat there in silence for a bit, but Changgu couldn’t sleep no matter how hard he tried, and how sleepy he was. His eyes would slide shut and he’d almost get there, but then his brain would send images that made his eyes shoot open and aware, like a promise of nightmares to come. So instead, he kept still and focused on his breathing.

 

He paced it with Yan An’s, finding comfort in the focus and the reminder that he wasn’t alone at the moment.

 

He’d been doing a lot of thinking over the past month about him. After leaving Yan An’s house the first day, refusing Yan An’s offer to stay for dinner with the excuse that his dad wanted him home, he’d called Jiwoo.

 

\---

 

_ September 28th, 6:56 p.m. _

 

“Hey,” he greeted, breath coming a little fast from walking.

 

“Did you talk to Yan An?” Jiwoo asked, without prelude. Changgu rolled his eyes and looked into the road as if to say  _ this guy _ .

 

“Yeah, I just left his house,” Changgu admitted. “I… think you’re probably right. About Hyojong.”

 

“What’d you talk about?” Jiwoo asked with strong interest, and Changgu gave him the rundown of how his conversation had gone.

 

“I mentioned about how gangs like to recruit people to own them, you know?” Jiwoo made a sound of confirmation, clearly engrossed in Changgu’s words. “And he just- I’ve never seen him look irritated, Jiwoo. It was so weird.”

 

“So it’s confirmed,” Jiwoo said, releasing a sigh from deep in his throat. “Well. I guess that means we can’t talk to him anymore.”

 

Changgu was silent on his end of the line, lost in his own thoughts and barely hearing what Jiwoo had to say. He nearly walked into a boy around his age with big shoulders in his haze, and he apologized hastily before answering Jiwoo.

 

“No way. I trust Yan An.”

 

“Still?” Jiwoo demanded, voice going shrill in his surprise. “Changgu, are you serious?”

 

“He hasn’t done anything to me yet,” Changgu pointed out. “Look, gangs are scary as fuck, believe me, I know. But Yan An is cool.”

 

“I’m not with you on this,” Jiwoo said, plainly. Changgu couldn’t help but balk at how quickly Jiwoo seemed interested in dropping someone he’d been friends with.

 

“Just like that?” he asked, annoyed.

 

“Come on,” Jiwoo said, cross. “Really? I have reason for this.”

 

Changgu sighed, rolling his neck and pinching the bridge of his nose. “... Yeah. Alright, fine. I like him though, he’s cool. And we still don’t know for sure, anyway.”

 

“Your head’s up your ass if you’re still in denial,” Jiwoo said, laughing.

 

“I guess,” said Changgu, and hung up.

 

\---

 

_ October 24th, 5:16 a.m. _

 

Changgu could barely make out Yan An’s face in the dark, turned in his direction. He knew that the kid had been watching him at some points while laying there, but now he was quiet and had his eyes closed, like any sane person at this hour. Changgu was sore in his shoulders and legs, and felt a bruise forming on his upper arm, yet he was comforted in this quiet space of Yan An’s home, with his presence so close.

 

“Anie?” he didn’t know what in the world had possessed him to speak then, and he almost wanted to take it back. But Yan An’s eyes flickered open and scrambled to find his in the dark. He almost laughed, realizing Yan An hadn’t been asleep after all- he felt awful, certain that he was at fault for it.

 

“Yeah?” he asked, voice scratchy.

 

“Thank you so much,” he said, trying to throw as much sincerity as he could into his words while keeping his voice lowered at the same time. “I’m sorry for calling you so late, but thank you so much.”

 

He could very easily see Yan An’s smile in the darkness, bright like the sun, and he also couldn’t help but smile back. Yan An reached out his hand over the sheets and found Changgu’s hand, giving it a light squeeze.

  
“No problem,” he promised. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

 

“That means a lot,” Changgu said, full of emotion. He laughed at himself, turning his face into his pillow, and felt Yan An roll a little closer than the space they’d kept between them. “Thank you.”

 

“Stop saying thank you,” Yan An scolded, lightly nudging Changgu. “You’re welcome, and it’s not a problem to have you here.”

 

Changgu nudged Yan An back similarly. “Thank you,” he said, a hint of laugh in his voice. Yan An sighed heavily and Changgu snickered.

 

“Can’t fall asleep?” Yan An asked, changing the subject, and Changgu shook his head honestly. “Me neither,”

 

“I’m sorry for waking you up like I did,” Changgu said sheepishly. “If you… want me to talk, I’ll tell you what happened.”

 

“It depends on if you want to talk about it.” He may have said that, but Changgu could hear the curiosity in his voice. As it was, Changgu wanted to talk about it anyway. He hoped, vaguely, that talking about it may make his thoughts calm down at last, and maybe relax his nerves. He could still feel adrenaline racing through his body, the obvious reason for his inability to sleep.

 

“I want to,” he said, and sat up slightly. Yan An followed the motion, propping his back against the headboard, and Changgu did the same while he struggled to straighten out his thoughts. It took a few seconds to figure out where to start and how to start, but Yan An was patient.

 

“I’ve said stuff about my dad before, right?” he asked, more rhetorically than anything, but Yan An nodded in spite of that. “He’s an asshole. Because my mom left him with me when I was little, he’s stopped caring about pretty much anything, including me.”

 

“I’m sure that can’t be true,” Yan An insisted, and Changgu shrugged.

 

“I mean, he does pay for my schooling and food, so I guess that’s something. Mostly, he drinks or goes out for a few nights to do something, and I won’t hear from him for a while. I think he buys hookers, but I don’t know where he gets the money from for it. He’s a dishwasher for an inn farther in the city, he doesn’t make that much.” Changgu stopped, then shook his head rapidly. “Sorry, I’m getting side tracked.”

 

“It’s fine,” Yan An insisted urgently, touching Changgu’s wrist to show his support. “Talk about whatever you want.”

 

“Thank you,” Changgu said for the five hundredth time that night. “Anyway, sometimes when he’s home and drinking, he gets violent. And it’s normally fine, because if I see him doing it then I’ll just leave the house for a while. Sometimes I walk, sometimes I go to Jiwoo’s, sometimes I go to the library.”

 

“But not last night,” Yan An concluded, his voice soft like he thought he might set Changgu off, but Changgu was reciting the story factually and detached.

 

“Not last night,” Changgu confirmed, shifting and holding the pillow in his lap. “I was doing homework in my room from when I got home until late, so I didn’t even know until I heard him break one of the pictures in our living room. I- god, I should have stayed in my room until he passed out, but I wanted to leave instead.”

 

“Has he hurt you before?” Yan An blurted out in question. It had been obvious that he’d been dying to ask ever since Changgu had arrived.

 

“No,’ Changgu lied, and felt bad about it, but didn’t have any desire to retract the claim. “When I went out to the living room, he was sitting on the couch and there was glass on the ground, and I went to leave, but he called me back. He asked me where I was going and I said I wanted to go to the library to do research for a project, but it was past midnight so he called me out on my bullshit. I figured he was too hammered to know what time it was.”

 

“What’d he say?” Yan An prompted, when Changgu paused. He was engrossed in the retelling, Changgu could tell, with how he was leaned in his direction and how he hadn’t looked away from him once yet. Changgu wanted to smile at it, but the atmosphere refused to allow him to.

 

“He said I was a fucking liar,” Changgu said wryly, laughing a little without amusement. “Which I was, but whatever. He told me that both Mom and I were fucking liars and that I was going to leave him like she did one day, which is also fucking true. He said that he couldn’t believe she’d left her son with him when I was nothing like him and that it didn’t make sense.” He caught the expression on Yan An’s face, shocked and disbelieving. “He would never say something like that sober, but he’s an angry drunk.”

 

“Are you okay, Changgu?” Yan An asked, slow and cautious. He elaborated, gesturing to his head. “Okay here?”

 

Changgu snorted, not meaning to offend Yan An’s genuine question but probably doing so anyway. “I’m fine.”

 

The Chinese looked him over with a gaze that clearly said he knew he was being untruthful, so Changgu looked away before continuing. “Dad grabbed me-” he gestured to his upper arm, where a bruise had begun to form- “and told me I was grounded, like I’d done something bad. I told him to get the fuck away from me. Then I left.”

 

“Are you going to go back?” Yan An asked, eyes wide.

 

Changgu gave him a funny look. “Yeah, it’s my house. I’ve gotta go back.” He looked around the room until he caught sight of a digital clock, telling him the time was 5;14 in the morning with it’s glowing numbers. “I should really go back soon, and make sure he hasn’t died of alcohol poisoning or something.”

 

“No way in hell,” said Yan An, in the scolding way he was shockingly good at. He lowered himself back down onto the bed and resituated himself, with a pillow under his head and blankets over himself. “We’re both going to go to sleep, and you’re going to spend the weekend with me, and you’re going to go to school with me on Monday.”

 

Changgu stared at him, shocked, and then laughed while hugging his knees to his chest. “You’re really bossy sometimes,” he commented.

 

Yan An laughed back, a bit lighter. “You need a boss right now. Lay down.”

 

Changgu obeyed, sliding back to lay down on the bed, hugging the pillow to his head and pulling the blankets up to his neck, like he was searching for maximum comfort, which he kind of was. The instant he was lateral like this, a wave of exhaustion hit his bones, and he knew he was finally going to be able to sleep.

 

“Goodnight, Changgu,” Yan An hummed, his voice sounding drowsy too.

 

“Goodnight, Anie,” Changgu replied, and surrendered to his dreams.

 

\---

 

_ October 24th, 10:08 a.m. _

 

The sun was bright against Changgu’s eyelids and he curled up tighter, burying his face into his pillow. In spite of his best efforts to maintain the comfort he’d gathered for himself over the night, he could feel his mind stirring awake, awareness plaguing his mind.

 

First, he realized he wasn’t in his bed. He was in a bed, but it definitely was not his. This bed was larger, and comfier, and had more blankets than his own did. He breathed in a familiar scent, and started awake with memories of the night prior.

 

Right, he was in Yan An’s house. That made sense. He blinked his eyes open until they focused on where he wanted them to look, and his comprehension understood that Yan An’s side of the bed was now empty.

 

He sat up slowly, his head pounding like he hadn’t drank anything in weeks, and he slid out from under the sheets with a yawn, still wearing his jeans and jacket that he’d come over in the day before. He felt overwhelmingly gross, and was prepared to take the shower of his life as soon as possible.

 

After he opened the bedroom door, he heard two voices in the living room. One was Yan An’s, that was for sure, and the other was frustratingly familiar. Even though he couldn’t make the words out, he hesitated in the doorway, feeling guilty for intruding like this. He’d been stupid and self-absorbed, he thought, to not consider that Yan An may have had plans set for the weekend when he’d intruded like this.

 

He sighed inwardly and brushed his hair back, hoping he didn’t look like a complete troll, and walked into the living room.

 

Yan An stopped mid-sentence at the sight of him turning the corner and smiled so warmly that Changgu couldn’t help but relax, like some kind of child at the sight of a  favorite stuffed animal. “Morning.”

 

The owner of the second voice was sitting in the chair that had its back to him, but when he turned around Changgu recognized him instantly.

 

“Morning,” he said, polite and quick to Yan An, and then nodded at the one in the chair. “Hyunggu!”

 

“Long time no see, hyung!” Hyunggu greeted, smiling big. “Sorry, did we wake you up?”

 

“No, I woke myself up,” Changgu assured, waving off his concerns as well as he could. Hyunggu and Changgu had been acquainted for several years now- they’d been neighbors up until two years ago, and even then they’d seen each other at school despite the grade difference. It was nice to see him here, even if they hadn’t talked in a while. “I’m going to get water and then take a shower, don’t let me bother you.”

 

“You’re not a bother,” Hyunggu assured. “But thanks.”

 

“Let me know if you need help with anything,” Yan An said, kind as always, and Changgu nodded.

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

He made his way to the kitchen and pulled a glass from the cupboard, mind accelerating in ways it shouldn’t this soon after waking up. Kang Hyunggu and Yan An. This was… it had to be another Pentagon thing. Up until now, he’d dismissed any rumors of Hyunggu joining, but with what he knew about Yan An now… it fit too well.

 

His hands shook a little while he drank the cup, but it wasn’t from fear. Hyunggu and Yan An were both incredibly good people, to him at least, and he wasn’t sure he could ever fear them for anything, even this knowledge. 

 

No, instead he was unsettled. He felt unsettled, and uncertain what to do with the knowledge he had acquired. Ideas flew through his mind- he could tell Yan An what he knew, but that risked his own safety, and the security of his friendship with Yan An (Changgu thought it was odd that the idea of that was more anxiety-inducing than the threat to his safety). He could keep the knowledge to himself and never say anything, which seemed like the safer option, but he felt he might explode from keeping all of this in. He could-

 

“Hyung.”

 

He flinched, nearly spilling the water out his glass, and turned to see both Hyunggu and Yan An standing in the doorway, looking at him funnily. He felt his face turn red and wondered how long they’d be standing there, watching him get more and more lost in his thoughts, and laughed awkwardly. “Ah… sorry, it’s been a long night.”

 

“That sucks,” Hyunggu said sympathetically, while Yan An continued to look at him with thought and concern in his eyes. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving.”

 

“Already?” Changgu asked, surprised and unable to keep the disappointment from his voice. He’d wanted to talk to Hyunggu and catch up.

 

“I’ve been here a few hours,” said Hyunggu, looking amused, and Changgu nodded in understanding. “We’ll have to catch up sometime, okay? Especially if you and Yan An are friends now.”

 

“Absolutely,” he agreed, smiling and gathering Hyunggu into a goodbye hug. “See you around.”

 

“You too,” Hyunggu said with a wink, pulling away and waving at Yan An. “Bye!”

 

“Bye!” Yan An and Changgu chorused, as the younger left down the hall to the front door. When the door closed, Changgu sat his glass in the sink and kept his back to Yan An, sensing some sort of uncomfortable atmosphere he didn’t want to know the origin of. As he turned on the faucet, he felt Yan An’s arms wrap around him, and tensed before relaxing into the hug, leaning backward a little.

 

“How are you feeling?” Yan An asked him, and Changgu shrugged, rinsing out the cup in his hands.

 

“I’m alright. How are you? How do you know Hyunggu?” He’d meant to hold back the question, he really had, but it slipped out with the other one before he could stop it. He sat the cup down and turned off the faucet.

 

Yan An swayed half a second and then released Changgu, who turned to face him. Yan An looked more awake than last night, which made sense considering he’d been woken up suddenly then. His hair was a little over the place and he was dressed like he’d just thrown something on, a loose white shirt and grey sweatpants. Changgu thought it was a pretty good look.

 

“I’m alright, too,” he said with a half smile. “I met Hyunggu through a few mutual friends earlier this year. He’s a good kid.”

 

“He is,” Changgu agreed, fond. “We used to be neighbors, so I kind of grew up with him.”

 

“He mentioned that,” Yan An said. “He came over at eight and woke me up, so I told him to keep quiet because you were asleep. I think he’s glad he got to see you.”

 

“I’m glad I got to see him, too,” Changgu admitted, and pushed Yan An’s stomach teasingly to open up some room for him to move forward. Yan An gave him an offended look and he laughed, exiting the kitchen and walking down the hallway to the bathroom. Yan An followed him slowly and opened a cabinet to give him towels and a washcloth, and Changgu nodded thankfully as he took it.

 

“I’ll give you some clothes too,” Yan An promised, and both him and Changgu looked over the wrinkled pants and shirt.

 

“You don’t have to,” Changgu said lamely, and Yan An laughed, shaking his head.

 

“Yeah, right. Go shower.”

 

Changgu smiled small, and entered the bathroom.

 

When he reemerged a half hour later (feeling somewhat guilty over using so much water, but the time had gotten away from him while his thoughts trailed), he was wearing an oversized plain light blue shirt (was he really that much smaller than Yan An, or did the kid typically just wear baggy clothes?) and black pants that were a little too long, but he managed alright. 

 

He checked the bedroom first and saw the bed was still unmade, and resolved to make it as a payment before he left. He then moved on to the living room and saw that was empty too, as was the dining room, but a smell started to waft from the kitchen. Changgu’s stomach turned even though he hadn’t actually ate anything since dinner the day before.

 

“Hungry?” Yan An asked, spotting Changgu making his way to the kitchen. The older of the two shook his head, watching Yan An cook without speaking. “Are you sure?”

 

He nodded in confirmation. “I’m good. What are you making?” The pan on the stove was filled with steaming liquid.

 

“Kimchi soup,” Yan An said, eyeing Changgu cautiously. “Are you sure you’re not hungry?”

 

“I said I’m not,” Changgu snapped, and his eyes went wide instantly in horror of his tone, while Yan An looked surprised. “Shit, no, I didn’t mean it like that. Shit. Fuck. No, thank you, I’m fine.”

 

“Changgu-” Yan An started, stepping away from the stove, but he was interrupted.

 

“Sorry,” Changgu blurted abruptly, brushing his wet hair back with his hand. “Oh, fuck. You’re great and nice and I didn’t mean to say it like that, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Changgu-”

 

“I’ve just got a lot of shit going through my head, and it’s hard to think straight, and I’m a little bit overwhelmed but that’s not an excuse for speaking to you like that, I’m really sorry-”

 

“Changgu!” Yan An’s tone was firmer, and Changgu stopped mid-sentence, feeling frantic and also kind of like he may cry, but he focused back in on Yan An. The look he was receiving was concern and shock, and he felt worse and comforted at the exact same time. “Go sit down.”

 

Changgu nodded slowly, and obeyed. He sat himself down on the couch and tucked himself into a corner, staring at the TV as it played news on the station he’d never seen before without too much comprehension. He listened to the sounds of Yan An cooking in the kitchen and tried to calm his thoughts, wondering how the hell he’d reached the point where his emotions were so out of whack like this. He hadn’t realized how emotionally confused he was until just then, where he’d spoke like that to Yan An in the kitchen without meaning to.

 

Wow, he really felt like shit.

 

He heard footsteps approaching and didn’t move until Yan An was in front of him, offering a mug. Instinctively, Chaggu took it off his hands, feeling the warmth of it transfer from the mug to his fingertips, and his nose pick up the scent of salty broth inside.

 

“I figured you should at least have something,” Yan An said, and he wanted to cry again. Instead, he nodded and mouthed more than spoke a thank you, sipping some of the hot liquid. The feeling of it being swallowed filled his limbs with warmth and he sighed, limbs losing some of their stiffness again.

 

Yan An was eating his soup on the other side of the couch, about half a bowl of it as though he wasn’t hungry either, and the guilt ate at Changgu.

 

“I think I should leave before dinner,” he said without thinking, and Yan An met his eyes before shaking his head.

 

“You should stay here until Monday, at least,” he said, and Changgu smiled softly, trying to throw as much of his thanks as he possibly could to the younger.

 

“I don’t want to burden your entire weekend,” he said, and cut Yan An off when he tried to speak again. “You say I won’t, but I know I will.”

 

“What if I said I wanted you here?” Yan An asked. Changgu paused, searching throughout Yan An’s gaze to find something that said this was, in fact, theoretical, and came up empty. He dropped his eyes to the mug in his hands, thinking of a response.

 

“I’d stay if that were the case,” he admitted.

 

“That is the case,” Yan An insisted, swirling his spoon idly in his bowl. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to just go home after last night. Personally, I don’t think you should really ever go home if he treats you the way he does, but… I don’t really have a say in that.” He stopped suddenly, and looked nervous. “That was too forward.”

 

“No, I know what you mean,” Changgu said, and shrugged. He was still thinking, considering options in silence, and Yan An let him. Finally, he made a decision. “I’ll stick around until tomorrow night, but then I have to go home and grab homework and my uniform.

 

Yan An nodded slowly. “... Okay. I’m walking you home, though.”

 

The corner’s of Changgu’s lips curled up. “Deal.” He nudged Yan An’s foot with his own, both of them sharing a smile. “What do you want to do today?”

 

“Be lazy, mostly,” Yan An admitted, and Changgu laughed.

 

“Yeah, I’m good with that. Hang on a second though.” Yan An waved him off and he gave a wave back, like they were parting for that long.

 

In the bedroom, he pulled his phone off the charger he’d plugged it into last night and watched it light up with messages- two missed calls from his dad, a few texts from friends at school mostly relating to homework, and a missed call and a few texts from Jiwoo.

 

**Park Jiwoo** : Hey, wanna hang out today? _ (24/10, 10:27 a.m.) _

 

**Park Jiwoo** : Are you still asleep Changgu?  _ (24/10, 11:12 am.) _

 

**Park Jiwoo** : Changgu you lazy fuck pick up the phone  _ (24/10, 11:57 a.m.) _

 

It was currently a little past noon, so Changgu sighed and called Jiwoo back as he walked back to the living room, joining Yan An again on the couch. At the confused look he received, he mouthed  _ “Jiwoo” _ and got a nod of understanding in response.

 

Jiwoo picked up instantly after the second ring. “Wow, how late did you stay up last night?”

 

“Five,” Changgu answered honestly, snickering at Jiwoo’s exasperated tone. “What’s up?”

 

“Wanna take the bus into town today?” Jiwoo asked, sounding excited. “I can pay the way there and back for the both of us!”

 

Changgu thought that sounded like fun, but was all too aware that that probably wasn’t the best thing for him right then. “Sorry man, I’m busy today.”

 

“Busy as in you don’t want to go, or actually busy?” Jiwoo questioned skeptically. Changgu winced.

 

“Busy as in actually busy,” he said. “I’m hanging out with Yan An today and tomorrow.”

 

“Oh.” He could almost hear Jiwoo’s tone deflate, and he could see Yan An sit up curiously at the mention of his name. “I thought you were free this weekend.”

 

“Something came up,” Changgu said, voice full of apology. “Next weekend?”

 

“Maybe,” Jiwoo said, not bothering to hide his disappointment. “I’ll see you at school on Monday.”

 

“Sorry,” Changgu said awkwardly. “See you then.”

 

He hung up the phone and sighed, dropping his head into his hands. He felt the couch shift as Yan An moved towards him, and placed a comforting hand on hi shoulder. “What’s up with Jiwoo?”

 

“I never turn him down on hanging out,” Changgu said, lifting his head and looking to Yan An. “I think he took it personally.”

 

Yan An nodded, slow, and then asked the question Changgu had been waiting for ever since he’d dropped the call. “Why doesn’t Jiwoo like me anymore?”

 

Changgu breathed in through his mouth, debating on his answer. He figured Yan An had noticed how quick and suddenly Jiwoo had withdrawn from him, and knew this question was coming at some point, but up until now he’d never thought of an explanation for it.

 

“He thinks you’re a member of Pentagon, and wants to distance himself in case he gets caught up in something by knowing you,” he said, the words coming out completely honest, and he was almost horrified by it. He noticed Yan An stiffen by his side, unable to hide his thoughts like always, and almost smiled. He shrugged, holding his gaze on his friend. “I think it doesn’t matter either way, because you’re sweet and cute and a good friend.”

 

This appeared to take Yan An by surprise too, because his expression washed with something akin to awe. Watching his try to compose himself was entertaining, like he thought Changgu hadn’t noticed at all, but he pretended he hadn’t anyway until Yan An spoke again. “Why does he think I’m part of Pentagon?”

 

“I think he’s just paranoid,” Changgu said, laughing a little, feeling unsteady now. He worried if he’d gotten to Jiwoo in trouble in his admission, but… honestly, he trusted Yan An more than he probably should after knowing him the amount of time he had. He clicked with him better than anyone he’d met.

 

“Do you think I’m part of Pentagon?” Yan An asked, and Changgu almost winced. He took a few seconds to hesitate, and knew that was damning him.

 

“I think everyone has a different story and it doesn’t matter if you are or aren’t,” he answered, words coming a little slow. His expression was sincere, meeting Yan An’s eyes directly as he added. “I also think that I owe you a lot, and I’m willing to listen if you want to talk to me about anything, including gangs led by Lee Hwitaek.”

 

He felt on edge and anxious saying this, especially when Yan An didn’t reply right away. He was surprised when instead of a bad response, he got a warm one- one that came in the form of a warm hug, tucking him into Yan An’s chest.

 

“Thanks,” he said, just as sincere as Changgu had been, and Changgu relaxed, hugging Yan An back just as tight. “You don’t owe me anything, though.”

 

“Bullshit,” Changgu said, laughing slightly into Yan An’s shoulder.

 

Yan An shrugged, withdrawing from the hug, and Changgu felt a strangely large amount of regret from him pulling back. “Let me ask you something,” he said, his words dragging like he was thinking each one as he said it., and Changgu could imagine it was harder for him to carefully word things than it was for the average Korean, with the translating that had to occur. He wished then and there that he could learn Chinese to make it easier for them to speak and understand each other, and then rolled his eyes inwardly- that was a kind of stupid thought.

 

“Of course,” he said, giving Yan An his full attention.

 

“If I said that I knew a way to get you out of your house…” he trailed off, then seemed to gather confidence and continued, “without you having to do much of anything, would you leave?’

 

Changgu blinked, mind rushing to comprehend, and leaned back while crossing his arms across his chest. “Theoretically,” he said.

 

“Sure,” Yan An confirmed, smiling softly.

 

Changgu nodded, tapping his finger on his arm and keeping silent a few seconds. “... I’d say that if it gets bad, I’ll keep it in mind.”

 

“What if I said I thought we should do something before it gets bad?” Yan An interjected hurriedly, making Changgu startle and meet his eyes.

 

“... I’d say that I appreciate that, but I don’t need to overreact yet.”

 

To say Yan An looked conflicted was an understatement, so he leaned forward and squeezed his hand. “Thanks. For the options.”

 

“It’s not a problem,” Yan An said, squeezing back. “Just send me a text or a call or a word, anything.”

 

Changgu nodded, letting go of his friend’s hand and leaning back against the couch. “Lazy day, right?”

 

“I have some friends coming over tonight,” Yan An admitted, looking a little guilty. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but-”

 

“Can I be here for that?” Changgu asked, and Yan An hurriedly nodded.

 

“I already told them. It’s not like… that. They’re coming by because they’re my friends.”

 

“That should be fun then,” said Changgu, trying to hide his nerves. He didn’t think he did that well, and looked away from Yan An. “Lazy day until then.”

 

“Until then,” Yan An echoed, shifting on the couch to slouch, and it was so casual and natural Changgu felt something tug in his heart.

 

\---

 

_ October 24th, 5:03 p.m. _

 

Changgu startled awake to the sound of someone knocking on the door, at the exact same time that Yan An did. He didn’t know how it had happened, but sometime in the last few hours, they’d both fallen asleep- with Yan An’s head against his stomach and Changgu slouched down so much he probably would have fallen without the extra weight. He groaned, feeling stiffness yelling at him in his neck and back for staying the way he had for so long, and sat up, dislodging Yan An in the process.

 

“What time-?” Yan An started to ask, voice scratchy and tired sounding, but was interrupted by further heavy knocking on the front door. He yelped and toppled off the couch while Changgu jumped to his feet. “Shit, I didn’t-”

 

“I’ll get it,” Changgu said, stepping over Yan An and entering the hallway without a second thought. Someone knocked again, and there was a definite muffled voice coming through the door, deep to signify it being an older man. He unlocked the door with a click and opened it wide, revealing three people on the porch.

 

The tallest of them, with black hair and dark eyes, looked confused on sight of Changgu. Changgu’s half awake brain flipped over with social anxiety instantly, and he hastily brushed his hair back into something more manageable than how it probably looked, and smoothed out his clothes- Yan An’s clothes, he thought idly.

 

“Hi,” he said, lamely, now aware they were all giving him similar looks. “Sorry, we were sleeping. Yan An’s in the living room.”

 

“You’re Yeo?” asked the same tall man, and Changgu nodded, backing away from the doorway in hopes that they’d just walk in, and they did.

 

He really shouldn’t be referring to the one in front as the “tall one”- all of them were tall, at least 180 centimeters each. Besides the first, there was also a teen who looked maybe a little older than Changgu with a slim, pretty face and hair dyed blonde. The other was clearly Japanese (were there really that many immigrants around here?) and younger, maybe a little younger than Changgu.

 

Before he could feel the atmosphere get more uncomfortable, Yan An pulled around the corner and smiled, a big childish smile that made Changgu want to laugh. He waved awkwardly. “Annyeong chingudeul!” he greeted, and the group laughed, like this was some kind of inside joke, and Changgu remembered very suddenly that he was an outsider here.

 

“Did you just wake up, hyung?” asked the Japanese one, and Yan An stammered, meeting eyes with Changgu. The embarrassment on his face set Changgu off, laughing to the point of almost being doubled over.

 

“... We might have both fallen asleep,” Yan An admitted, and Changgu could hear the amusement in his voice, even as he struggled to stand upright again. “Sorry.” He appeared to remember something suddenly, and walked over to join Changgu, putting his arm over his shoulders like that may make the others warm up to him quicker. “This is Changgu!”

 

“Hi!” said the blonde one, while the Japanese one gave a slight wave and smile.

 

The tall one smiled a bit larger in acknowledgement. “Nice to meet you.”

 

“Changgu, this is Shinwon, Yuto, and Wooseok,” Yan An introduced, pointing down the line to each one. Shinwon was the blonde, Yuto was the Japanese (as one could guess by his name), and Wooseok was the tall, older looking one.

 

Changgu cleared his throat and grinned with his teeth, hoping he looked friendly and not like the complete and utter mess he had been the last day or so. “Hey.” He turned to face Yan An, surprised to find their faces a bit closer than he’d expected- he thought he heard one of the visitors make a choked sound, but he couldn’t identify who, or the cause. “We should… probably get out of the doorway.”

 

Yan An nodded, pulling away from Changgu and waving his friends through into the hallway. “We’re in the living room, sorry about the mess. I meant to clean up, but-”

 

“It’s fine, hyung,” Wooseok assured, and Changgu blinked, certain he’d misheard. He turned to ask Yan An if he had indeed done so, but Yan An just grabbed his elbow and guided him and his friends to the living room.

 

Changgu grabbed his mug and glass still sitting on the coffee table, trying to help straighten up somewhat, and once he came back from the kitchen he saw the three newcomers were occupying the couch. Seeing as the only other furniture in the room was an armchair that Yan An had sat himself in, he plopped down on the carpet and propped his back against the chair, hoping that was alright enough.

 

Over the next half-hour, Changgu discovered a few things through observation. 

 

Shinwon was a year older than him and Yan An, and was remarkably humorous. He smiled a lot, and Changgu couldn’t help but admit he was remarkably attractive too. He felt a strange amount of guilt at his thoughts of that, but couldn’t figure out where that guilt was directed. Changgu thought that he could get to like Shinwon if they talked more.

 

Yuto was a year younger than Changgu, and had moved to Korea from Japan when he was younger, several years ago, though he maintained an accent (even though it wasn’t as strong as Yan An’s). He was quiet and initially made Changgu nervous, but it didn’t take long for him to realize Yuto had a sarcastic sense of humor, one that made Changgu laugh harder than he probably should have.

 

And Wooseok, as it turned out, was the youngest of them all (only seven days younger than Yuto, he insisted, as though that saved him from being teased). Despite his height and older appearance, Changgu got the sense that he was a sensitive guy. He also thought he was cute, like a younger brother, and almost laughed at himself for thinking that.

 

The three of them seemed very close, like they’d known each other for years- which, Changgu guessed, they probably had. Even Yan An seemed more distant from them than they were with each other, which Changgu found strange, but figured that happened with even the best of friend groups.

 

“I’m ordering pizza,” Yan An said, his voice pulling Changgu out of his thoughts, and Changgu nodded as he left to the kitchen to presumably find a menu or number. He watched him disappear around the corner, and when he refocused his gaze on the three on the couch, he came to the very quick realization that they were all staring at him.

 

“... Hi?” he half asked, half squeaked, hoping that may prompt them to speak their thoughts.

 

“So, how long have you known Yan An?” Shinwon questioned, and Changgu found his eyes a little too piercing, like they were seeing too much.

 

“Almost two months,” he said, sitting up from leaning on the arm chair like he had been, and rolled his shoulders to release tension. He’d begun to regret his seating choice seconds after choosing it, but it had been too late by then. He observed the surprise that flickered across their faces, and frowned. “What?”

 

“You guys act friendlier than that,” Wooseok commented, and Changgu’s discomfort levels increased. He felt like he was being judged by a girlfriend’s parents- and suddenly understood that wasn’t too far from the truth, if these were gang members like he’d guessed.

 

“I guess,” he admitted, not sure what to say. “We met, spent a fuckton of time together, and here we are. I think he’s pretty chill.”

 

“He is.” Wooseok agreed, a content expression on his face. “He’s like a brother.”

 

“I guess he isn’t like that to you, though,” Shinwon said, and though Changgu thought the comment was rude, Shinwon laughed like they were sharing a joke.

 

“Why wouldn’t he be like a brother to me?” Changgu asked, tone pointed.

 

Wooseok gave Changgu an odd look. “Because that’d be gross? Nobody who’s not gross dates their brother.”

 

Changgu blanched, looking horrified. “... We’re not dating.” He couldn’t even believe that an idea like that was being proposed here. “We’re friends.”

 

“No way,” Shinwon said, leaning forward and half-laughing, like he thought that Changgu was going to join in and announce that he was joking. When he didn’t, Shinwon’s expression dropped into one of confusion. “... Really?”

 

“Then why did you stay at his house last night and today?” Yuto questioned, looking skeptical. Changgu leaned back, growing guarded and increasingly uncomfortable.

 

“It’s personal, sorry. It wasn’t to fuck, believe me.”

 

“You’re wearing his clothes, though,” said Wooseok, like he’d caught him in a lie.

 

“And you were sleeping together when we got here,” Yuto added, less accusatory and more curious.

 

“I got here late and woke him up,” Changgu said, strangely defensive. “So we were both kind of exhausted. And I only had the clothes I came in, so he gave me some of his shit to wear.” The clothes, which had been cool and comforting to him a few minutes ago, now scratched at his skin. “We’re not dating, I’m not gay.”

 

The expressions the three on the couch were wearing were nerve-wracking, and he hurriedly excused himself in a way he was certain was incredibly obvious to them all. 

 

He’d barely left the view of the living room when he walked straight into Yan An, who grabbed him by the arms and  stabilized him after a yelp of surprise.

 

“What-?” the younger started, and then looked horrified at whatever he read from Changgu’s face, smoothing his hair back in a vain attempt to comfort. “Changgu, go sit down in the bedroom for a bit, okay?” he looked so concerned that Changgu almost wanted to cry, and Yan An appeared to notice that, too. “Or tell me what’s wrong?” he added, a little more quiet and unsure.

 

Changgu shook his head slowly, because he had no idea what was wrong, except that he was suddenly so overwhelmed, and his head wouldn’t stop cycling with  _ I’m not gay, I’m not gay, I’m not gay _ over and over again, to the point he wanted to scream, though he was sure if he did then that’s all that would come out. He felt Yan An start to pull him in for a hug and he flinched, pulling back. He hated himself for the hurt look on Yan An’s face, and stepped back slowly, panicked.

 

“I- I’ll go sit down,” he stammered, feeling his blood pulsing in his ears. “I’ll come back out… later.” He liked to think that he didn’t run down the hallway, but he kind of suspected he did, with the speed at which he reached Yan An’s room.

 

He stood there, forehead against the closed door, and tried to slow and gather his breathing, tried to control his thoughts. It wasn’t working, and they were spiraling all over the place, lost fragments of thought without focus.

 

He wasn’t gay. It was ridiculous to think that. He, Yeo Changgu, liked girls, and that was the simple fact of the matter. He had sex dreams about fucking girls and had crushes on hot girls and dreamed of having a wife or girlfriend of his own someday. He definitely had not pictured himself with a man, ever, because the mere idea was ridiculous.

 

Yan An crossed his mind and he flinched involuntarily, nearly losing his balance on his feet.

 

Yan An was sweet and cute and kind and funny and thoughtful, and if he were a girl Changgu would have dated him without hesitation. But he wasn’t a girl- he was very much a guy, his Chinese best friend who he was very thankful to, but definitely wasn’t interested in marrying or fucking.

 

A sudden image appeared in his brain, drying his mouth before he banished it angrily.

 

Yeo Changgu was straight. Not only that, he was certain Yan An himself was straight. They were two very straight friends, two people who trusted each other more than other people as  _ friends _ , not as romantic partners. Just as friends. Close friends, maybe- he’d admit that. But they were friends, not boyfriends. Everyone knew that, except the three idiots on the couch. They were probably homos themselves, and just projecting their practice onto him and Yan An.

 

Because, Yeo Changgu was  _ not _ gay.

 

_ I’m not gay, I’m not gay, I’m not gay. _

 

He didn’t register that he was lying on the bed, or that he’d teared up, or that time had even passed until Yan An opened the door to his bedroom, and Changgu shot upright instantly, expression frantic.

 

“Anie!” he said, before his friend could even say anything. “I’m so sorry, I freaked out, I don’t know why, I think may I’m tired or I’m just- I’m all over the place, you just wanted to help-”

 

“It’s alright, hyung,” Yan An insisted, sitting down beside him on the bed, and Changgu started at the honorific- Yan An had never called him hyung, even though Changgu was over half a year older than him, and Changgu had certainly never asked him to. He noticed Yan An keeping his distance between them and felt a jolt in his heart, knowing deep down he’d done something wrong in pushing Yan An away.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Changgu repeated sincerely, appreciating that Yan An didn’t move away when he moves closer. “I’m an asshole, I know.”

 

“You were crying?” asked the taller of them, eyeing Changgu’s tear tracks, and Changgu wiped at them aggressively.

 

“... No,” he said, without any ounce of believability, and the corner’s of Yan An’s lips lifted upward.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, and Changgu shrugged heavily, because he honestly didn’t know what was going on, or why his emotions were all over the place with this- why he’d snapped at Yan An earlier that day, or why he’d reacted so strongly to the assumptions from Yan An’s friends.

 

“I’m fine,” he assured, and the look Yan An shot his way was sternly disbelieving. He ignored it, sniffling and brushing more at his eyes. “Are Shinwon and the others still here?”

 

“Yeah, they’re eating,” Yan An answered, and Changgu nodded, moving to stand up, Yan An grabbed his wrist and he stiffened involuntarily- not meaning to this time, but evidently it was noticeable enough to Yan An that the younger released him instantly. Changgu washed with horrible guilt again, reaching out and taking Yan An’s hand as it retracted.

 

“Let’s go eat,” he said, while Yan An gave him a surprised look at his actions. Changgu smiled, wanting to make up as quick as possible by showing Yan An that he didn’t feel upset with him at all- Changgu was the idiot who had such an absurd insecurity over his masculinity that the mere assumption that he may be gay had sent him into a full blown panic attack.

 

When Yan An hoisted himself up by Changgu’s assisting hand and released right away, and Changgu found himself wondering why they were suddenly hyper-aware and managing of their physical contact, when everything had been so casual before. He mourned the loss of their easy contact, without even knowing the certain cause of death.

 

Yan An led the way to the dining room and Changgu felt a little bit like he was hiding, shielded behind Yan An. The sounds of the three already eating were loud, and when they came into sight he saw all of them look up, watching him approach with a strange guardedness that made him feel unwelcome.

 

He nodded nonetheless, sitting next to Yan An on one side of the table, and watching the pizza boxes in front of him like they may attack him. All he’d ate so far that day had been broth, and not too much the day before that, so he should have been hungry, but he really wasn’t.

 

Before he knew it, there were two slices of cheese pizza on his plate, and he thanked Yan An mentally for looking out for him- outwardly, he only nodded and sat back, trying to talk himself up to eating.

 

He grew aware that a conversation was happening vaguely, and tried to make the words be comprehended by his stalling brain.

 

“-says it’s a ghost,” said Wooseok, with a pointed glance in Shinwon’s direction. “Like hell.”

 

“Better safe than sorry,” said Yuto, obviously attempting to maintain a chill air about him, even though his averted eyes gave him away. 

 

“Exactly!” Shinwon agreed enthusiastically, eyes wide and expression excited. “What if I’m right?”

 

“You’re not right,” Wooseok said plainly, rolling his eyes when Shinwon pouted in complaint. “You know you’re not right, too.”

 

“Dawnie saw it too,” Shinwon insisted, and Changgu saw Yan An hide a smile behind his hand. He wondered who they were talking about, and if it was another friend of Yan An’s that he’d eventually meet.

 

“Hyung’s full of shit,” Wooseok snorted. “He probably messed with you in the first place.”

 

“No!” Shinwon protested, but in a doubtful tone. He frowned, and a few seconds later added, “... Maybe…”

 

Yan An made a humored sound, bending over his plate like that would hide it. It didn’t work at all, and Shinwon narrowed his eyes at him. “Do you know something?”

 

Yan An composed himself remarkably quickly, expression innocent as he shook his head. “I don’t know anything about Dawnie and ghosts, hyung.”

 

Shinwon raised an eyebrow, delicate and regal. “Really?”

 

“Really,” Yan An said, all fluttery eyelashes and white teeth.

 

Shinwon smiled too, and it reminded Changgu vaguely of a shark for some reason. “I’ll ask him about it later.”

 

Meanwhile Wooseok, who appeared to have just finished an entire pizza by himself (what the fuck, kid?), leaned back in his chair to signify that he was done, Everyone except him and Yan An appeared to be finished, and Changgu hadn’t even ate a bite yet.

 

Yan An met his eyes in a side-glance, telling him to eat like any good friend would, but the thought of it still made him sick and gross, even though any other time he would have been jumping at the chance to eat pizza. When he turned to look away Yan An nudged him under the table with his foot, and Changgu nudged back in retaliation.

 

“You don’t like pizza, Changgu?” Shinwon asked, clearly noticing the interaction even if he didn’t know the context. Changgu nudged Yan An’s foot one more time for good measure, and shrugged at Shinwon.

 

“No, I love pizza. I’m just not hungry.”

 

“It’d be too bad to waste any food,” Yan An hummed, and Changgu hated him. He knew exactly where to push him to make him do what he wanted, as he’d been discovering over the last twenty-four hours.

 

“Fuck you,” he said, grabbing a piece of pizza and taking a bite. It tasted like sand, but it was something, and his stomach growled in urgent complaint. Maybe he actually had been hungry, but he definitely hadn’t noticed amidst all the other shit that had been happening.

 

Either way, Yan An smiled in such a relieved way that he felt bad for not eating sooner, even if he couldn’t really help it.

 

Wooseok was telling some story that involved Hyunggu (effectively gathering Changgu’s interest), and they were all laughing loudly towards the middle when the phone rang in kitchen, and Yan An excused himself. For the first time that evening, Changgu didn’t horribly mind Yan An leaving him with the other three, and was greatly enjoying the story.

 

There was a crashing sound in the kitchen, like shattering glass.

 

Changgu froze, panicked.

 

Wooseok called out “Hyung!” in a surprised tone. 

 

Shinwon jumped, startled by the loud and abrupt sound.

 

Yuto was the only one among them who jumped to his feet, heading to enter the kitchen in a hurry. It was only when he vanished around the corner that Changgu’s brain overcame his heart, ordering him to move, and he did. He thought he heard Wooseok and Shinwon rushing behind him as well.

 

In the kitchen, Yan An was leaning against Yuto, the home phone hanging on its cord while a jar was on the floor, shattered and spreading what looked like coins all over the tile. Changgu paled, wanting to reach out and ask what had happened, but not able to make himself speak before Yan An did.

 

Wooseok snatched the phone to his ear and waited, then sat it frustratedly into it’s holder- dial tone, Changgu guessed.

 

“What happened?” Shinwon asked, stunned, and Yan An was breathing heavy, shaking his head, When he locked eyes with Changgu he jolted, pulling out of Yuto’s arms and hugging the older tightly against him. Changgu didn’t hesitate, wrapping his own arms around Yan An and hoping he’d speak soon.

 

What he said wasn’t at all what Changgu had expected.

 

“It’s your dad,” he said quickly, tightening his grip on Changgu while the smaller tensed up, unsure where this could possibly be heading. “He- he found out you’re here.”

 

And even though Changgu felt like it was suddenly a bit difficult to breathe, he couldn’t quite comprehend why Yan An was acting the way he was. “Did he say something to you?” Changgu asked, voice harsh at the thought of the words he was sure his father could throw out.

 

“What’s going on?” Wooseok ventured, and Changgu shrugged at him over Yan An’s shoulder.

 

The Chinese teen shook his head hurriedly. “No- yes- but no, it’s not-” he seemed frantic and unsteady, like he was thinking through his thoughts, and then withdrew from the embrace to take the confused Changgu by the arm, dragging him behind him to the living room. Changgu made a surprised sound, his pulse sounding in his ears as his concern piled.

 

Once alone in the living room, Yan An stopped and sat on the couch, but Changuu stood and looked down, waiting for an explanation.

 

Yan An waited a few seconds and Changgu thought he may be losing his mind as each of those seconds passed. Finally, he opened his mouth. “Changgu… your dad told me to tell you that you’re not welcome home anymore.”

 

Oh,

 

To say Changgu was surprised wouldn’t be… entirely true. He didn’t have much emotion either way, though it could certainly be the shock. He didn’t quite register Yan An guiding him to sit down on the couch, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

 

“What did he say?” Changgu demanded more than asked, feeling cold.

 

Yan An’s expression was concerned and cautious, obviously worried about Changgu, but spoke anyway- his words stilted, like he was having issues translating his thoughts, “I answered the phone and he told me who he was, and asked if you were here. I didn’t know if you wanted me to say if you were or weren’t, so I said no.” He studied Changgu’s face as if searching for approval at this decision, but Changgu simply nodded for him to continue. “He said that if I saw you, then I was supposed to tell you that… he’s changing the locks next week, and he wants you to get your stuff and move out.”

 

“Did he sound drunk?” Changgu asked, eyes piercing while they looked at Yan An. “Slurring and shit? Loud?” Even as he spoke, Yan An was biting his lip and shaking his head.

 

“... No, he sounded sober.”

 

Changgu took a deep breath and dropped his head in his hands, working to hold back the thoughts swirling in his head, threatening to overflow and carry him away. “I don’t- how did he even know your number? How did he even know about you? I’ve never mentioned you to him.”

 

“I don’t know,” Yan An said, voice small. Changgu understood that his friend had no idea what to say, and honestly Changgu didn’t either, so he just sat on the couch and stared at the floor, gathering any shreds from his memory that could explain what had led to this.

 

He wondered what his father could have found out while he was gone, or what his father had been thinking. He didn’t think there was anything in his room that could incriminate him for something- he only had drank at hangouts, and only smoked when someone offered him a cigarette, so none of that should be in there. He had no money, and had never stolen money from his dad, so it couldn’t be that either. He had okay grades, B’s and C’s, so that wouldn’t explain this situation either.

 

He vaguely noticed Yan An get up from the couch and the door open and close a few minutes later, signifying that Shinwon, Yuto, and Wooseok had left. He wondered idly what they thought of him after knowing him the last few hours, and almost laughed at his complete conviction that it would be negative.

 

Yan An entered the living room, the house now too quiet, and handed him a cup of water. Changgu nodded and took it out of his hands, but thought he might throw up looking at it.

 

“Hey, Yan An?” he asked, on autopilot, and got the younger’s full attention.

 

“Mmhmm?”

 

“I’m not gay.”

 

Yan An’s brow furrowed, like he didn’t think he’d heard correctly. “... What?”

 

“I’m not gay.” Even as he felt the words coming out of his mouth, Changgu wanted to reign them in, but they tumbled off his tongue with a determination he couldn’t match. “I’m- Yan An, I’m not gay.”

 

“... Okay?” Yan An appeared only further confused. “Okay, you’re not gay.”

 

“I’m not,” Changgu insisted, grabbing Yan An’s shoulder for emphasis, like he hadn’t heard. He didn’t know how Yan An managed not to flinch, but he only looked wary. “I’m.. I’m really not gay, Yan An.”

 

“I know-”

 

“Fuck,” Changgu swore, dropping his forehead against Yan An’s shoulder. “I’m not gay. If you were a girl, maybe, but I’m not gay, so no.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Yan An questioned, and Changgu shook his head, not sure he knew or wanted to say. Or wanted to admit.

 

“It’s late,” Yan An said, lifting Changgu’s head from his shoulder, and smoothing back his hair fondly. “We’ll- let’s go to sleep, and think about things tomorrow.”

 

“That sounds nice,” Changgu admitted, half-smiling, even as he felt his eyes well up a little. Ah, he was such a fucking crybaby, why couldn’t he stop crying, why couldn’t he stop being affected by silly shit like… like his father, or comments from others, or….

 

Yan An wiped a thumb on his cheek, and it was so sweet Changgu almost cried harder. Instead, he laughed at himself, even though he didn’t know why. When Yan An offered his hand to help him up, Changgu accepted it and stood on his feet.

 

At a quarter past nine, as he slipped into what was, it seemed, “his” side of the bed, his phone lit up with a text message he didn’t see as he passed out, nearly as exhausted as the night prior.

 

**Park Jiwoo:** Where do you think you’re going to stay now?  _ (24/10, 9:17 p.m.) _

 

\---

 

His vision hazed, like he was looking though very thin water. It blurred his vision as he walked, and fogged his ears to sound, leaving only vague voices and snippets of words audible. He felt a little like he was drowning too- his throat was tight, struggling to gather all the air that it needed, and he felt like he was gasping with every breath he drew in.

 

Hands grabbed at his clothes, pulling them in different directions, and he cried out in terror. He scrambled and turned and slapped at the hands to make them move, until one grabbed his hand and tugged his violently into the deeper haze.

 

His shoulder hurt from the pain of the hurried movement and he couldn’t see anything more than shadows, effectively disorienting him. The shadow in front of him was tall and stocky, and he shivered with the realization it was his father. The shadow didn’t speak; instead, it turned away from him and walked into the distance, until he couldn’t see him anymore.

 

Hands tugged him backwards and he stumbled, falling to the ground upon release with an impact that sent the air racing out of his lungs. Above him, Hyunggu crouched, his head directly over Changgu’s with an expression of irritation,

 

“Maybe if you’d stayed closer to me, I wouldn’t have joined a gang,” Hyunggu said, in a manner so disgusted and unlike him that Changgu flinched. “What the fuck were you doing that was so important that you couldn’t check up on me, hyung?”

 

“I’m sorry!” Changgu tried to yell at Hyunggu’s retreating back, but the sound just came out as air hissing out, and his vision gathered black dots at the corners. He couldn’t get enough air and it was awful.

 

He crawled to his feet, stumbling and nearly falling the first few steps until he stabilized and walked forward. A smell reached his nose like sea water, and the fog cleared to give him a clear view. He was standing on a platform overlooking the ocean, and when he blinked, Yan An appeared in front of him, wearing a smile and a blue, oversized cardigan that made him seem strangely small.

 

As he opened his mouth to greet him, Yan An just waved and took a step back, directly off the platform.

 

Changgu screamed, soundless again, and his vision faded black as Yan An hit the water.

 

\---

 

Changgu woke up; not screaming, thank god, but breathing heavy and labored. He struggled to calm himself down and decipher the reason for his racing heart, but the dream was fading fast from his memory, to the point he only gathered a feeling of his chest being crushed in, and walking without air. He shivered, feeling like something was watching him, and unable to shake the remaining aftertaste of his dream.

 

He turned his head to the side and saw Yan An was still in bed, and the light coming through the window was dim so it couldn’t have been far past dawn. He watched Yan An breathe slowly and marveled at how calming the sight was, the boy sleeping with his mouth slightly open and small whistles of breath going in and out. To his surprise, Changgu found his pulse slowing and steady back to normal levels the longer he watched.

 

Shit. The guy was really cute.

 

He turned his head the other way and moved, trying not to jostle Yan An,  and grabbed his phone from the night table at his side. His lockscreen was a photo of him and Jiwoo from the year prior, and it was blindingly bright when he turned it on, but when his eyes focused he only continued to blink, unsure if he was seeing correctly.

 

He climbed out of the bed, trying not to wake Yan An, and walked down the hallway. Jiwoo answered before he’d even reached the living room.

 

“Huh…?” he sounded sleepy, and Changgu didn’t blame him. “Oh! Changgu-ssi!”

 

“How did you hear about my dad?” Changgu demanded, blood pressure rising with his suspicions.

 

“Oh.” He could hear rustling as Jiwoo presumably sat up. “I talked to him.”

 

“When?” Changgu asked, dropped down into the armchair and jostling his leg up and down anxiously. “Why?”

 

“He called me yesterday.” There was a yawn, and Changgu wanted to snap at him for not taking this seriously. “He wanted to know if you were over here, and he sounded pissed. I said ‘No Yeo-si, he told me he was at Yan An-ssi’s house’ and he wanted to know who the hell Yan An was, so I told him he was Chinese and that you guys were close.”

 

“Is that all you told him?” Changgu questioned, feeling like he was giving an interrogation.

 

There was silence on the other end of the line.

 

“Jiwoo?”

 

“That’s all I told him,” Jiwoo said sincerely, but his tone was too pure and open sounding for Changgu to think it truthful.

 

“Jiwoo, what the fuck did you tell him?” Changgu’s tone was angered now, increasing in volume.

 

Silence again, until, “I told him Yan An was a part of a gang.”

 

“You  _ what _ ?” he was nearly yelling now, probably due to wake Yan An soon, but he couldn’t make himself care. When Jiwoo started to splutter something, he was cut off. “No, shut, up. Holy  _ fuck _ Jiwoo! Why?”

 

“It’s the truth,” Jiwoo said, voice quiet but firm, like he somehow still thought he was in the right here.

 

“I don’t give a fuck if it’s the truth, you can’t say that shit to anyone’s parents! Especially my dad!”

 

“Are you going to stop talking to Yan An now?” Jiwoo interjected, and Changgu didn’t think he imagined the hopeful tone in his words. Changgu blinked, struggling to even think of how to respond to something like that.

 

“ _ Fuck _ no! Is that was this was about? Jiwoo, you  _ literally _ got my dad to kick me out of my own  _ fucking _ house, and it’s about this shit?” Changgu was on his feet now, glaring out the window like he was imaging Jiwoo standing outside it. 

 

“That’s not what this was about!” Jiwoo snapped, insistent. “This was about protecting you.”

 

“Protecting me?” Changgu repeated, feeling like his voice was raising an octave every time he responded. “You thought this was protecting me?”

 

“Changgu?” Changgu turned around, tense, and saw Yan An standing at the corner of the living room, half awake and confused. Yan An blinked, rubbing at his eyes, and it was incredibly cute. “What’s going on?”

 

“I think this is about protecting you,” Jiwoo announced, oblivious. “You may be so deep in love with Yan An that you can’t see it, but messing with gangs is not a good thing, no matter who’s in them! You know this, you’ve seen the movies and heard the fucking stories.”

 

“Fuck you,” Changgu spat, scrunching up his face in disgust. “No, honestly fuck you, Jiwoo. It’s my fucking life and my fucking choices, you don’t get to do shit like this.”

 

“Changgu-”

 

“No,” Changgu interrupted again, holding his ground even as Jiwoo started talking over him again. “No! I can’t believe that you would be such a douchebag. I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

 

“I haven’t done anything wrong,” Jiwoo proclaimed, self righteous as fuck.

 

Changgu breathed through his nose, feeling a heavy headache building up with his throbbing head, and he shook it to clear it. “Fuck you, Park Jiwoo,” he growled, and hung up the phone.

 

Yan An looked stunned, even just observing the part of the conversation he had, and when Changgu tried to smile to ease his concerns, he found it came out as more of a grimace. “Anie?”

 

The boy nodded, even with his brows furrowed like he was trying to decipher the conversation he had just overheard. “Yeah?”

 

“Let’s go out for breakfast,” he said, walking forward and putting his arm over Yan An’s shoulders. “I’m kind of sick of being inside.”

 

“No problem,” Yan An assured, liked Changgu knew he would. He hesitated before asking, “But… what was that about?”

 

“Jiwoo’s the reason my dad kicked me out,” Changgu announced, removing his arm and walking down the hall, back to the bedroom- guiltily, he realized he really had woke Yan An up. He heard the footsteps behind him stop and looked over his shoulder, seeing Yan An stopped and staring at him in disbelief.

 

“What happened?” he asked, and to Changgu’s surprised he also looked pissed. Changgu was thankful for it, entering the bedroom and skimming through Yan An’s drawers for something he could put on to leave the house in. Yan An entered a second later and waited, clearly still wanting an answer to his question.

 

Changgu only hesitated about half a second before revealing Jiwoo’s motivation. “He knows you’re part of Pentagon, and he told my dad, along with some other lies probably.” He couldn’t imagine his father tossing him on the street just for becoming a delinquent, there had to be something else that Jiwoo had told him.

 

Yan An shook his head quickly, confused. “He knows I’m in Pentagon?”

 

“Yeah,” Changgu said, pulling out a shirt and starting a search for shorter pants. “He figured it out before I did. Came to drop off money for you and saw you with Hyojong, I guess.”

 

Yan An’s eyes widened, and he sat down on the edge of the bed with a light squeak of the mattress. “He- of course, with my luck he’d come by right then.” He threaded his fingers through his hair, and explained. “It was- Hyojong-hyung and Hyunggu and Wooseokie and I came to my house to hang out for a bit after a meeting, and I didn’t even think- shit, of course he saw us come back.”

 

Changgu settled on a loose pair of black sweatpants that would probably still be too large, but he didn’t mind much. He didn’t want to acknowledge it verbally, but this was the first time Yan An was fully confirming that he was in Pentagon with Hyojong and the others. Even though he was a little weirded out, he also found it kind of touching that Yan An trusted him that much.

 

“Yeah,” Changgu repeated. “It’s, uh- it’s why he hasn’t been talking to you lately.”

 

Yan An was nodding, apparently already reaching that conclusion. “He- man, what an asshole.”

 

Changgu snorted, shrugging off his borrowed shirt and trading it for the other one he’d found, and light pink one he thought he actually looked okay in. “Understatement.” He stepped away from the dresser to make room for Yan An, and stepped into the sweatpants. “Tonight, I need to go by my house and grab some stuff, but I should be back within an hour.”

 

Yan An gave him a confused look, an expression he seemed to be seeing a lot the last few days. “You- no way in hell, you’re not going alone.”

 

“If my dad’s there, he’ll just be more pissed if he sees you,” Changgu insisted, trying to explain his thought process before Yan An got too insistent. “He knows you’re Chinese, and you really can’t hide that.”

 

“I’ll tell someone else to go with you,” said Yan An, quickly interjecting with a compromise. Changgu winced, glancing to the side. “What?”

 

“No offense, but I’m not sure I want to go back to my dad’s with some people I don’t know,” he admitted, and was relieved that Yan An didn’t seem offended.

 

“That’s fine,” he shrugged. “I’ll ask Hyunggu.”

 

Changgu paused, considering. He already knew and liked Hyunggu, even if they hadn’t actually seen each other in a while, and he knew about Changgu’s father and his mannerisms. Even so, he hesitated, not sure if he could ask Hyunggu a favor like this.

 

“I’m texting him now,” Yan An said, showing his phone and snapping Changgu out of his thoughts. Changgu reddened a little, wondering how readable his face had been, and Yan An laughed. “Calm down, everything will turn out okay, okay?” The smile on Yan An’s face forced a smile to his own; it wasn’t full blown, but it was something. “Where do you want to go eat breakfast?”

 

Changgu sat on the bed and watched Yan An filter through his drawers, considering places, but he didn’t care as much about the location as much as he cared that he was going with such a good friend.

 

\---

 

_ October 25th, 7:46 a.m. _

 

They were halfway to the diner they’d chosen when Changgu stopped dead in his tracks, signaling a copied motion from Yan An a few seconds later.

 

“What’s up?” he asked, like he couldn’t even imagine, and Changgu grinned, walking forward and hugging Yan An as tight as he possibly could, eliciting laughs from the both of them. “What? What’s up?”

 

“It’s your birthday, asshole,” Changgu said fondly, reaching up and messing up Yan An’s hair. Yan An gave a sheepish smile, and Changgu wanted to pinch him. “You almost let me forget? What the hell?”

 

“You have a lot on your mind,” Yan An said lamely, and Changgu hugged him tighter, like he was trying to break the poor kid’s ribs.

 

“Fuck that, this is important too.”

 

Yan An rolled his eyes, putting his hands on Changgu’s shoulders and pushing him back just slightly, so he wasn’t being constricted.

 

“Happy birthday, Anie~” Changgu half-said, half-sang, all the while with the same stupid, big grin on his his face. He poked his stomach harshly, further penance for not telling him right away. “I can’t believe I made you take me out for breakfast on your birthday.”

 

“I have more money anyway,” Yan An insisted.

 

“Who’s coming over?” Changgu asked, holding onto Yan An’s arm as they started moving again. “Everyone?”

 

Yan An shrugged. “Hyunggu, to take you to your house later. Maybe Jinho-hyung and Hongseok-hyung. Dawnie and Hui said maybe too, but I haven’t heard from them.

 

Changgu knew all those names except Dawnie, and they made him accidentally squeeze harder on Yan An’s arm, gaining a strange glance his way. He smiled uneasily. “I know they’re your friends so they’re probably alright, but I’ve heard bad stuff about them.”

 

“People exaggerate most of those stories,” Yan An insisted, rolling his eyes. “And the ones that are true, they leave out the important stuff.”

 

“Is Jinho really…?” Changgu began, and cut off at the look Yan An sent him, before looking forward again, a little more tense that before.

 

“Yeah, that one’s true. You just don’t know the full story.”

 

Changgu couldn’t help but look interested at a claim like that. “What’s the full story?”

 

Yan An shrugged, looking away from Changgu. “You should ask him sometime, if you get to know him. He might answer.”

 

“Hui, though?”

 

The smile Yan An gave was amused, and fond. “Yeah, the leader. He’s a really nice guy, I promise, especially if he likes you.”

 

“Who’s Dawnie?” Changgu asked next, recalling the name from Shinwon’s ghost story the day before. Yan An seemed puzzled, then nodded like he understood.

 

“Oh, sorry, I forgot. That’s Hyojong, Dawnie is his nickname.”

 

Changgu had half a mind to ask how he’d gotten a nickname like that, but decided against questioning once again. “Yang Hongseok, huh?”

 

Yan An nodded, watching Changgu’s expression. “I’m guessing you met him a few years back?” he asked, and Changgu nodded, questioning how Yan An could guess that. “He was an asshole then, too. It was before I met him, and even then he wasn’t great. But he’s nicer now, he’d probably apologize if you said he did something bad to you.”

 

“I’ll take your word on it,” Changgu said, laughing a little. The diner came into view, and both boys picked up their pace. Changgu laughed a little at that as well, the motion unsurprising considering they were teenagers who hadn’t ate yet.

 

They sat across from eat other in a booth, and ordered their drinks before getting settled. The diner was small and cute and quiet, somewhere Changgu hadn’t been in a few years, and he liked the change of scenery from Yan An’s house (not that it was a bad house. It was a very nice house). Talking came easy, varying in topics from school to stories from Yan An about the gang, all of which greatly amused Changgu.

 

When the topic flowed naturally to Park Jiwoo, not long after they’d gotten their food, Changgu felt a pit in his stomach.

 

“Where are you going to go?” Yan An asked, brow furrowed in concern.

 

“I don’t really know yet,” Changgu admitted, leaning his head onto his hand and frowning. “Like- I need to get a job, and save money for food and an apartment and stuff, because I don’t have any relatives in Busan. Maybe I’ll call my aunt and ask for some help, but I don’t want to leave. I just need a place to stay until I can get that.” Thinking about it made his shoulders feel incredibly weighted with worry. “And who knows anyway, maybe my dad will call me up in a few days and tell me that he didn’t mean it.”

 

“It’s not my place to say,” said Yan An, “but I really don’t think going back to your dad is the best idea.”

 

“If it gives me a roof and clothes and food, it’s probably better than anything I can do while still in school,” he pointed out, and turned considerate as an idea popped into his head. Yan An noticed, able to read him like a book, and flicked him hard in his arm.

 

“You can’t drop out of school.”

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Changgu said, turning his gaze down to his plate, and Yan An flicked him again, harsh. “Ow!”

 

“I mean it Yeo Changgu,” he insisted, pointing a finger at the older. “I’m going to talk to my parents and ask if it’s alright for you to stick around for a couple months, or however long you need. They’re not home often anyway.”

 

“I can’t do something like that to you,” Changgu disagreed, shaking his head quickly. “This weekend? Maybe, yeah, that was fine, but I can’t stay in your house forever.”

 

“It’s not forever, it’s just until you figure out what you’re going to do.” Yan An said it so simply, like it was obvious and okay, like taking other people into his home was a common, normal thing.

 

“I can’t accept that,” Changgu responded, forceful.

 

“Why?”

 

Changgu bit his lip, moving his food on his plate with his fork. “I can’t just be a burden to you like that.”

 

“You’re not a burden.” Yan An was frowning. “It’s no problem. I don’t like being alone so often, anyway.”

 

“Are you really home alone that often?” Changgu asked curiously, and Yan An nodded after a second.

 

“Like… more than half of the time,” he admitted. “I usually have one of the guys come over at least a few times a week, but it’s still not the same as living with someone else.”

 

“You have to let me pay rent,” Changgu blurted, surprising himself. He hadn’t even been mentally aware that he was actually considering this.

 

Yan An gave a half-smile, shaking his head. “I’ll let you know when I get in touch with my parents, and then we can talk.” As he finished speaking, a buzzing sound came out of where Yan An’s phone sat on the table, and he only to a second to look at the name displayed on the screen before answering. “Hyung?”

 

Changgu listened to the conversation while pretending he somehow wasn’t, picking at his food and sipping his straw.

 

“Oh, yeah, no problem,” Yan An said, into the speaker, voice casual, and it was obvious that this was a friend. “Yeah, I’ll be home then, why?” A pause, and then Yan An rolled his eyes. “Uh huh.” Another, somewhat longer pause, before Yan An grinned. “Thanks, hyung. I’ll see you later.”

 

“Birthday wishes?” Changgu guessed, as Yan An sat the phone back down. He noded.

 

“Yeah, that was Hyojong. I guess some people are coming over this afternoon, before you and Hyunggu go to your house.”

 

The news made Changgu more nervous than the news about the guests yesterday had, and that was probably understandable considering it was Hyojong, who rumor said was intimidating as fuck. “Who else?”

 

Yan An shrugged. “Everyone?” Seeing Changgu swallow, he laughed. “What kind of stuff have you even heard about them?”

 

“Hwitaek and Jinho dropped out halfway through high-school, and formed a gang, and Jinho killed two people,” Changgu responded, giving as much honest info as he could. “Hwitaek raped a girl Hyojong was dating, and convinced Hyojong to skip graduation and join up with him and Jinho and Hongseok. Hongseok used to be a big asshole here too, and some kid almost killed themselves over it.” From the way Yan An’s face was moving, he figured these were all sensitive topics, and waited to see if he got some answers.

 

“... Some of that is lies, and some of that isn’t the full story,” Yan An said slowly, and Changgu was beginning to sense a common theme here. “I swear they’re good people.”

 

“I believe you think they are,” Changgu said, lowering his voice, even while he felt tension building up. “I believe Hyunggu does, too.”

 

“You’ll see when you meet them.” It was amazing, Changgu thought, that Yan An seemed to have no concern. Changgu couldn’t imagine trusting another person quite that much.

 

… No, that was a lie. He thought he could imagine trusting Yan An that much.

 

“Let’s go home and get ready,” Yan An said, sliding out of the booth with phone and wallet in hand. Changgu stared after him, marveling at how easily he’d said ‘home’. Like they lived together or something.

 

Changgu’s heart ached.

 

\---

 

_ October 25th, 1:52 p.m. _

 

Changgu walked in the front door with bags of food in hand for Yan An’s birthday gathering. He’d even texted Hyunggu while he was out to ask if they were planning to bring a cake over, the first text he’d sent in nearly two years, and got the assurance that cake and ice cream was already well planned out. 

 

So when Yan An sent him out for some sort of dinner while he straightened the house, Changgu decided to spend some time grabbing him a present.

 

Yan An had been wrong when he’d assumed Changgu had no money on him- when he’d left his house on Friday night, he’d planned on going out to somewhere with food, and had brought some of his spare cash with him- only about ten dollars, but it was something.

 

Except, standing in one of the supermarkets within walking distance, carrying Yan An’s dinner money and his own spare change, he found he had no idea what to get him.

 

It was mindblowing, to be surrounded by so much stuff, and think none of it fit Yan An in the way he thought would be best. It was even more mindblowing to think that he had no thoughts whatsoever of what Yan An may like that fit his price range.

 

Shoes? He liked shoes, but those were expensive, too expensive for him to buy without digging into Yan An’s money, and there was no way in hell he was doing that. A hat? No, Yan An never wore those, and it would seem way too impersonal. Changgu had never had so much of a drive to get a nice gift for someone, and he had no idea why Yan An was different- he just was.

 

He shut the door behind him, holding the food bags in hand and hoping it masked the bag with Yan An’s gift- it wasn’t much and he was nervous about it, but he thought Yan An would appreciate it anyway.

 

He sat the bags on the kitchen counter and dropped the bag with the gift in a closet, behind old looking coats. When he entered the hallway to the living room he found Yan An, hooking up a vacuum to the power outlet. When he heard Changgu behind him, he smiled in greeting and stood upright.

 

“Hey, everything good?”

 

“Yup,” Changgu confirmed confidently. “I got fried chicken in the market.” He peered around the corner to the living room, seeing blankets and shoes still strewn over the ground. “... What’d you do while I was gone?”

 

“My best,” Yan An said sincerely, starting up the vacuum. “They’ll be here at three, help me.”

 

Changgu snorted, amused, and set into the living room to clean more. The blankets they’d piled in the day before for their lazy day hadn’t been removed yet, and he resolved himself to fold them. Once that was done, it was the pillows, and then piling the shoes in Yan An’s room, and then straightening up, including putting the photo Yan An had set face down weeks ago back upright.

 

“Why do you like that photo so much?” he was questioned by a voice behind him, and he turned to see Yan An had entered the room with a broom. The look he was being given was odd.

 

He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s a cute photo.”

 

“If you say so,” Yan An responded, sighing heavily. He started to sweep, and nodded to Changgu. “Get back to work.”

 

Changgu smiled, amused by Yan An’s commanding tone, but obeyed anyway.

 

\---

 

_ October 25th, 2:58 p.m. _

 

His heart nearly stopped when he heard the first knock on the door, and he couldn’t for the life of him understand what prompted him to stand and move to open it before Yan An.

 

Changgu thanked every god above that it was Hyunggu that was his first view in the doorway, and the boy’s face lit up before he hugged Changgu fondly, and Changgu laughed before hugging him back.

 

“Nice to see you too, Hyunggu.”

\

Hyunggu withdrew, setting a hand on Changgu’s forearm to turn and look at the doorway, and the older’s heart skipped a beat when he saw who was standing there- two bleached heads, one significantly more unruly than the other. Hyojong and Hwitaek.

 

They were… shorter than he remembered.

 

“This is Changgu!” Hyunggu announced, walking with the aforementioned boy to allow more room for them to enter, and they did. Hyojong had a lazy, relaxed kind of smile, where Hwitaek’s was soft and friendly, and Changgu felt a little disoriented.

 

“Hi,” he greeted, trying to keep his tone even. He squeezed Hyunggu’s hand and turned, stepping into the hallway. “Anie! People are here!”

 

He heard two short laughs behind him, and quickly discovered it was Hyojong and Hwitaek. He couldn’t help the confused look that came over his face, and that only made Hyojong laugh again.

 

“Anie, huh?” he asked, and Changgu retraced his words in his head, unaware he’d even used the nickname. “That’s cute.”

 

“Leave them alone,” Hyunggu said, lightly smacking Hyojong’s arm.

 

While Changgu was wondering if he should stammer some sort of defense, Yan An came through the kitchen and towards the entryway with a large grin, and attention was diverted his way.

 

“Happy birthday, hyung!” Hyunggu said warmly, engulfing Yan An in a hug. Hwitaek and Hyojong did the same.

 

“Congrats on sixteen,” said Hyojong, pinching Yan An’s cheek and snickering when the Chinese boy scrunched up his face. “Ah, this kid- he’s still cute,” he said to Hwitaek, and the leader snickered too, pinching the other cheek. Yan An complained, pushing both of his hyungs away, and Changgu couldn’t help but laugh.

 

The sound seemed to surprise both of the offenders, who glanced his way, and Yan An gave him a fake betrayed look.

 

“Yeo Changgu, right?” asked Hyojong, and Changgu sobered up so fast he felt he may have swallowed air straight into his lungs.

 

“Yeah,” he said, waving both his hands as a hello. “Kim Hyojong and Lee Hwitaek?”

 

“Yeah,” they chorused, Hyojong rolling back his shoulders and looking Changgu over while Hwitaek waved back in a dorky way. Hyunggu appeared to notice Hyojong, because he rolled his eyes and hugged the boy around his stomach, effectively distracting his attention.

 

“We brought cake and ice cream,” Hwitaek said, showing the bags in his hands that Changgu hadn’t noticed, and Yan An nodded before bringing him into the kitchen to put it away, talking casually. Hyunggu and Hyojong turned the other way, to the living room, and Changgu elected to follow them. He was still far from comfortable with Hyojong, but Hyunggu was a godsend.

 

Changgu and Yan An had rearranged the living room to have ten possible seats that weren’t the ground, and Changgu sat himself of the edge of the armchair while Hyunggu and Hyojong took the couch. It didn’t even have time to be awkward before Hwitaek and Yan An arrived as well, taking their spots- Hwitaek on the couch with the other two, and Yan An the chair between the armchair and the couch.

 

“How do you know Kino and Yan An?” Hwitaek asked Changgu, and it was several moments before Changgu figured out that  “Kino” had to be Hyunggu- what was with this group and weird nicknames?

 

“Hyunggu and I were neighbors up until a few years ago,” he explained, and the younger boy nodded in confirmation, smiling and leaning against Hwitaek. “So I’ve known him since he was a little kid.”

 

“He’s still a little kid,” Hyojong laughed, and Kino only grinned, neither confirming nor denying.

 

“And I met Yan An at school in September.”

 

Hwitaek looked surprised. “That recent?” He looked to Yan An like he was expecting him to deny this, and the birthday boy only shrugged.

 

“Wooseok said that too,” said Changgu, looking at Yan An pointedly. “Do you not like people or something?”   
  


“I like some people,” Yan An said defensively. “I just don’t talk to a lot of people.”

 

“I didn’t know I was so special to you.” Changgu teased, holding his fist over his heart. Yan An turned his head away like denial, and the rest laughed at the interaction.

 

The door rang and Yan An climbed to his feet to answer it, leaving the room. Changgu had started a light conversation with Hwitaek at this point, while Hyunggu and Hyojong appeared to be deep in something of their own. It hadn’t been long yet, but at this point Changgu was having difficulty understanding where the rumors had come from. He was also having issues figuring out how the guy in front of him ran a fucking gang when he seemed like such a soft person.

 

Three familiar people followed Yan An into the living room and conversation lit up with greetings, including a loud, surprised yell from Shinwon where he pointed at Changgu and yelled,  _ “You’re still here?” _ , gathering laughter from most of those present.

 

Conversation was lively and everyone seemed interested in Changgu, and Yan An was enjoying himself by the constant soft smile on his face, and Changgu couldn’t stop himself from staring a few times. One time, Hyunggu caught him and lifted his eyebrows pointedly. Another time, Yan An himself caught him, but only smiled a little bigger in return, both of them content to look at each other for a bit.

 

“Get a room,” Wooseok crowed, and Changgu diverted his gaze instantly, sure he was talking about him and Yan An. To his surprise, however, he was referring to Hwitaek and Hyojong, where Hyojong was leaning against Hwitaek’s chest and Hwitaek was looking down at him with  a confusingly strong emotion of love in his eyes, the kind that made Changgu’s heart skip a beat. Hyojong stuck his tongue out at Wooseok, getting comfortable.

 

Changgu averted his gaze awkwardly, wondering how many more of Yan An’s friends could possibly be queer.

 

Yan An tapped his arm and he looked over his way instinctually, seeing Yan An get to his feet. “Come on, help me get food ready.”

 

Changgu nodded, waving when Hyunggu and Yuto looked his way, but the rest seemed caught in conversation of some kind, and didn’t notice.

 

In the kitchen, Changgu couldn’t help the questions in his head. “So… Hyojong and Hwitaek?”

 

Yan An tilted his head in confusion. “What about-?” He paused, comprehending. “Oh. Yeah. They’re dating.”

 

“Huh,” Changgu said, pulling items from the fast food bag to spread out on the table. He didn’t know what to think, following his crisis the day before. Could he really call himself accepting of gay people if the idea of being accused as one affected him the way it had? But he really didn’t have any issue with it when it involved other people, and responded honestly. “They’re a cute couple.”

 

“They’re gross,” Yan An said fondly, laying out napkins. “Practically married at this point. So are Jinho and Hongseok.” Before Changgu’s surprise at the last statement could translate into a question, the doorbell rang, and Yan An stepped away from the table hurriedly to answer it. 

 

Jo Jinho was… a lot shorter than he’d expected. His whole appearance was underwhelming from the rumors he’d heard, and the confirmation from Yan An that he was, in fact, a murderer. He had a quiet voice and looked soft and sensitive from the way he held himself, yet when Changgu said hello his smile was kind. He was four years older than Changgu and Changgu still felt a strange desire to keep him well.

 

Yang Hongseok, at Jinho’s side, was a contrast. He enthusiastically wished Yan An a happy birthday, and greeted Changgu with the same sort of enthusiasm. He was confident, and had nice, attractive features, and he was tall- not Wooseok tall, but on the taller side.

 

The call for dinner was intense, packing ten people into a dining room usually occupied by three, but they managed. Yan An sat at one head and Hwitaek sat at the other, and by some miracle Changgu managed to sit next to Yan An for the dinner. The exchanged looks before listening to the conversations. Wooseok was calling out Hyojong for something and Kino was listening earnestly to something Yuto had to say on the other end of the table, and on their end Jinho and Hongseok brought Yan An and Changgu into a conversation about their new apartment, which was apparently a huge update from their previous housing situation.

 

Hongseok cut off after describing the features of the kitchen, and nodded to Changgu. “Why are you here?”

 

Jinho elbowed him pointedly for sounding rude, and gave Changgu an apologetic look. “He didn’t mean it like that,” he said, laughing a little bit. “But yeah, why are you staying in Yan An’s house?”

 

“How did you know I was staying in Yan An’s house?” Changgu questioned, surprised, and Jinho was sheepish.

 

“Yuto told me,” he answered, and Changgu saw Yuto look up at the mention of his name a few seats down. He figured that made sense, even though Yuto hadn’t struck him as the especially talkative type upon first meeting.

 

“I had a falling out with my dad,” Changgu answered, partially not wanting to be rude and partially wanting to instill some kind of trust in him with these two. Hongseok looked guilty for asking, and he shook his head. “It’s fine. But Hyu- Kino is going with me later to go grab some stuff and bring it here until I can find somewhere else.”

 

“Good luck,” said Hongseok sincerely, and he was grateful for that.

 

“I’m sorry about your dad,” Jinho added. He shrugged, looking to Yan An, who was now talking to Hwitaek all the way at the far-end of the table, thoroughly humoring the rests of the guests- Shinwon was almost falling out of his seat.

 

“It’s no big loss, he’s an asshole,” Changgu assured, though he felt saying this was more for show than anything. “Besides, it let me get closer to Yan An, and figure out a couple things.” His brain didn’t even comprehend the words he had just said until he caught Jinho’s amused expression, and Hongseok’s wide eyes. “Nevermind, forget I said that,” he said hurriedly, trying to laugh it off, and resumed eating his chicken. The look he saw the two exchange showed they were very much not planning on forgetting, and his pulse quickened.

 

“You good?” Yan An asked him, tapping on his arm with a finger, and Changgu only barely refrained from jumping in surprise.

 

“I’m fine,” he promised, leaning on his cheek onto his hand and smiling in a way he hoped was helpful. “You too?”

 

“I’m pretty good,” Yan An said, looking content, and Changgu followed his gaze down the table at all these people, some of whom were practically infamous celebrities to Changgu. He could see why Yan An liked them though, and thought he could see himself learning to like them too. “My parents called me while you were out, and wished me a happy birthday, and I brought up you staying with me.”

 

“What’d they say?” Changgu asked, a bit louder and more abrupt than he’d meant to, and he could feel a few extra heads turn their way. He couldn’t believe Yan An hadn’t said anything before now, and by the look Yan An had it was clear he’d been holding off on saying this for this reaction.

 

“They said you can stay here as long as you like, as long as you stay in school and don’t go get a full time job.” Yan An was grinning, and the grin Changgu gave in return was giddy and identical.

 

“I’m paying rent,” he insisted, and Yan An acted like he was considering it.

 

“You can pay for your groceries,” he negotiated, sounding a lot like a corporate heir, and Changgu rolled his eyes heavily.

 

“... That too.”

 

“That only!” Yan An admonished, shoving Changgu’s arm, and Changgu rocked back in his chair dramatically, laughing.

 

“We’ll talk later,” he promised, challenging.

 

“Changgu’s going to live here now?” Wooseok asked, evidently one of a few people at the table who had been listening in- and those who hadn’t, turned and paid attention at his words.

 

“Really?” Hyunggu questioned, a wonderful smile lighting his face, and Changgu grinned back, feeling somewhat shy under all the eyes.

 

“Yeah, until I can find somewhere else.”

 

“I can’t believe he’s even in this situation,” Jinho said to Hongseok in a hushed voice, probably not even aware that Changgu could hear. “He’s a kid.”

 

“I’m glad,” Shinwon said in the meanwhile, smiling at Changgu. “You’re not a bad kid from what I’ve seen.” Others at the table made various motions of agreement, like Yuto nodding and to Kino beaming. Changgu felt his face heat up and he covered himself with his hands, only eliciting loud “aww!”ing sounds from the people at the table.

 

“... Thank you,” he said, hoping there wasn’t too much emotion in his voice, and felt Yan An squeeze his arm supportively.

 

“Any friend of Yan An’s is a friend of mine,” Hongseok promised, and Changgu snorted as he lowered his hands.

 

“That’s so corny, hyung,” said Hyojong, and everyone laughed in agreement, even as Hongseok jumped to his own defense.

 

“I’m trying to be welcoming, you fucks!”

 

“Anyway,” Hyunggu said, rolling his eyes and backing up his chair. “Do you want to go now or later to get your stuff?”

 

Changgu paused, looking at the clock on his phone, displaying that it was already a little past four. He was astounding at how quick time had gone by, and nodded at Hyunggu. “Yeah, if you don’t mind, it’d probably be better to get this shit over with.”

 

“Great, let’s go so we can get back and relax,” Hyunggu said with a friendly wink, getting out of his seat. Changgu nodded again and joined him, trying to ignore that his pulse had sped up and his hands had gone clammy. He’d been… admittedly, ignoring the fact that going back tonight would mean he’d probably have to come across his father. He’d texted him earlier in the day to tell him he was coming by to get his things, and had also tried calling, to no avail.

 

He followed Hyunggu to the entryway, and steps behind him told him several people were also walking there- Yan An, Hwitaek, and Hyojong.

 

While Changgu tugged his coat off the hanger at the front door, Yan An stood close with him, something he found both peculiar and comforting at the same time. When he had his coat on himself and started straightening it, Yan An reached out and helped with the collar. He didn’t need help, but he could see in the younger’s expression that he was concerned again, like he always seemed to be, so Changgu didn’t protest.

 

“Thank you,” he said, and offered an assuring grin. “I’ll be fine, Anie.”

 

“I know,” Yan An said, poking his nose playfully, and Changgu wrinkled it. “I just don’t like that you have to talk with your dad at all.”

 

“Maybe he won’t be home,” Changgu said optimistically, even though he didn’t find the possibility strong. When Yan An just frowned, he sighed and hugged the taller boy to him. “I’ll see you before six, alright? I won’t need to get much, and I have bags there to carry it in, and Hyunggu to be my pack mule.”

 

“Like hell,” Hyunggu announced, over where he was talking to Hyojong and Hwitaek, and Changgu laughed.

 

“Come on, let’s go.”

 

“Stay safe,” Yan An half-asked, half-ordered, and Changgu gave a crooked grin.

 

“I will. See you soon.”

 

He saw that Hyunggu was sandwich in a hug with the two older members, one which he was jokingly struggling to escape, and neither was allowing him to. He caught Changgu’s eye and outstretched his hand. “Help me, hyung!”

 

Changgu snickered, taking Hyunggu by the wrist and tugging him away from his captors, who gave in after only a few seconds of effort. Hyunggu waved at them and they waved back with big grins, but the second he turned away Changgu saw their expressions change. He only had about half a second to decipher what emotion they may really be feeling before Hyunggu brought him to the door, and found himself wondering if he’d imagined the anxiety there.

 

The door closed.

 

The weather was only slightly chilly, and Changgu was thankful for that, fiddling with the buttons on his coat. Hyunggu lifted his chin determinedly and walked down the steps, glancing back to ensure Changgu was following him, and he was, walking next to him on the sidewalk.

 

He was alone with Hyunggu for the first time in years, and it was very strange to see this kid next to him, who he’d known as long as he could remember. Hyunggu had grown up well so far, he thought. He was always a cute kid, but now he was someone Changgu could picture girls fawning over, with his sweet smile and aura of confidence. Physically, he wasn’t much bigger than Changgu could remember, but that could be forgiven by the fact he was only fifteen years old. He still had growing to do.

 

He met Hyunggu’s eye and felt bad for looking him over, but the younger just laughed. “I know, it’s weird, right? You’ve changed too, hyung.”

 

“I have?” Changgu questioned, tilting his head to the side curiously. “Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Hyunggu said. “You seem, like… nicer, now. More talkative, more friendly.”

 

“Huh,” Changgu said, surprised, and decided to take his word on it. “I guess so.” A few seconds of silence passed before he said, “... Kino, huh?”

 

Hyunggu looked almost embarrassed, glancing away from Changgu. “Yeah, that’s my nickname now.”

 

“It’s cool,” Changgu assured, and he could see the thankfulness in the younger’s posture. “It sounds like something an idol would be called.”

 

“Really?” Hyunggu asked, eyes wide. He was so expressive too, Changgu felt like he was talking to a cute younger brother. “I’m glad, I like it.”

 

“Where does it come from?”

 

Hyunggu hesitated. “It’s like… ‘K’, from my last name, Kang, tagged onto ‘ino’, like the English word ‘innovation’.” At Changgu’s raised eyebrows, he appeared sheepish. “I… thought about it a lot. Hui and Dawnie had nicknames, and I wanted one too.”

 

“Where does ‘Hui’ and ‘Dawn’ come from?” Changgu asked, intrigued now.

 

Hyunggu shrugged. “Hui is just short for Hwitaek, I think. And Dawn is the English for ‘Hyo’, and Hui used to call him it all time so it kind of stuck with the rest of us.” He paused, looking at Changgu apprehensively. “I think we’ve all kind of guessed, but… you know who we are, right?”

 

Changgu brushed his fingers through his hair, and nodded. “Yeah, I know. Yan An didn’t tell me by the way, if it’s a bad thing I know, I figured it out before I even saw you and him in the living room yesterday.” He paused, trying to think of a way to word his next question. “How did you end up joining a gang, Hyunggu?”

 

Hyunggu looked thoughtful. “Gang is… it’s a strong word, hyung. I don’t know if that’s what we are. We don’t want anything to do with anyone who doesn’t want anything to do with us. It’s like… we all came from bad situations, and we all care about each other, so it’s kind of like a second family.”

 

“But why’d you join?” Changgu asked, more curious about that than what Hyunggu thought they were classified as. The boy shrugged.

 

“I just… I did. I got close with Yuto and Wooseok, and I got really close with Dawn and Hui.”

 

“And Dawn and Hui are dating,” Changgu added, trying to make sure he had all facts possible. The corners of Hyunggu’s lips moved up like he’d said something amusing.

 

“... Yeah. They’re dating. Uh, me too.”

 

To say Changgu was confused would have been an understatement, and he must have looked amusing because Hyunggu laughed, loud and sudden. “You too… what?”

 

Hyunggu brushed back his hair, smiling unsurely. “I’m dating them… too? And they’re dating me.”

 

Changgu blinked, like clearer vision may clear his head. “Wait,” he said, and Hyunggu nodded. “So, you’re dating Hwitaek.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And Hwitaek is dating Hyojong.”

 

Hyunggu was biting his lip to hold back laughter, and nodded again. “Yeah.”

 

“And Hyojong is dating you?” Changgu questioned, confusion heavy.

 

Hyunggu couldn’t help but grin a little. “... Yeah.”

 

Changgu was silent a few minutes, wrapping his head around this idea. “How does that… work?”

 

“I really like Dawnie and Hui,” Hyunggu answered, and shrugged. “And I guess they really like me. So we’re all dating each other. It’s called polyamory.”

 

“I thought that was polygamy?” Changgu questioned, and Hyunggu wrinkled his nose.

 

“Not the same thing.”

 

“How is it not the same thing?” Changgu wasn’t trying to be rude, he just had a lot of questions surrounding this idea. He tried to imagine sharing someone he loved with someone who he also loved, and honestly couldn’t picture it, but that was just him.

 

Hyunggu shook his head. “It’s just… not the same thing, hyung. Polyamory is mutual, it’s an agreement. Polygamy is like… collecting, I guess. Kind of. I don’t know. I just know I’m dating Hui and Dawn.”

 

“How old is Hui again?” Changgu asked, thinking suddenly, and Hyunggu looked like he’d been anticipating this question.

 

“He just turned nineteen.”

 

“You’re not even sixteen yet?” Changgu may have liked Hui from what he’d seen so far, but the guy’s reputation proceeded him. Hyunggu rolled his eyes fondly.

 

“You sound like my mother.”

 

“You sound like you need a mother,” Changgu pointed out.

 

“We’re only a little over three years apart,” Hyunggu said, and it was obvious he’d thought about this before, too. “And we’ve never done anything like that.”

 

“Like sex,” Changgu elaborated, and Hyunggu nodded.

 

“And that’s what him and Hyojong want, more than me,” Hyunggu admitted. There was a definite increase in flush to his cheeks at the conversation topic. “Their insistence.”

 

“Good,” Changgu said, and snorted at his own words. “Shit, I do sound like a mother.”

 

Hyunggu laughed, elbowing Changgu. “They’re good people, Changgu. All of them.”

 

“Who else is dating?” Changgu asked, now wanting to make sure he’d covered his tracks.

 

“Who isn’t dating,” Hyunggu answered, rolling his eyes. “As far as I know, Yan An is the only single one among us.” He side eyed Changgu. “... Is that still true?”

 

“Probably, he hasn’t talked to me about anyone before,” Changgu said, pointedly ignoring the way Hyunggu was watching him. “All of them?”

 

“Jinho and Hongseok are dating,” Hyunggu answered, once he seemed confident his point had gotten across to Changgu. Changgu nodded to show he already knew that. “They’ve been dating for, like, two years now. Longer than Hui and Hyojong. They have an apartment together and everything.”

 

Changgu thought about just the little stuff he’d seen, like Jinho whispering to Hongseok and the casual, domestic way Hongseok had talked about the apartment they’d just bought. He smiled without even realizing it. “Yeah, they seem sweet to each other.”

 

“They’re gross,” Hyunggu said, and Changgu almost laughed, recalling Yan An had said the same thing. “They act like they’ve been married for fifty years or something, like those old couples you see sometimes. It’s insane.”

 

“They seem like they fit together pretty well,” Changgu said, and Hyunggu nodded.

 

“Yeah, they- it’s the kind of thing that makes you think of true love, you know?”

 

“That’s cheesy,” Changgu said, and Hyunggu looked unabashed.

 

“Yeah, but it’s true. So, there’s them, and me and Hui and Dawn, and then Wooseok, Shinwon, and Yuto are dating.”

 

Changgu couldn’t help his eyebrows from shooting up. “More polyam?”

 

“Polyamory,” Hyunggu corrected, amused. “Yeah, but they’ve only been dating three months. It’s new, but they’re each other’s best friends too, and it’s cute.”

 

“Holy fuck,” Changgu breathed, and Hyunggu fucking giggled. “So, you’re all gay-”

 

“No,” Hyunggu interjected, shaking his head. “No, some of us are bi. Only Jinho, Shinwon, and Hyojong are gay.”

 

“”You’re all dating guys though,” Changgu corrected, and Hyunggu nodded quickly in confirmation. “That’s just… wow.”

 

“I know,” Hyunggu assured. “It’s really weird, that all of us are. Honestly, I’m pretty sure Yan An isn’t completely straight either. It’s strange, but it’s kind of fitting, I guess. We get support that way with each other, too.”

 

Changgu found it really, really strange. Up until now, he wasn’t sure he could name anyone he knew personally that was gay, much less eight, much less anyone who was whatever you called people who liked polyamory. “That’s nice,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound insensitive while he sorted through his thoughts, though the look on Hyunggu’s face implied he did. “Sorry, it’s just,,, you’re right, it’s weird. I like you all though, and I don’t… I really don’t have anything against that.”

 

“Unless it’s about you.” Hyunggu mumbled pointedly. Changgu made a sour face.

 

“I’m not gay.”

 

“What do you think of Yan An-hyung?” Hyunggu asked innocently.

 

“He’s sweet,” Changgu said, honest and a little enthusiastic. “He’s also funny, even though he acts like a five year old sometimes, you can tell he really cares about his friends. He cares a lot about a lot of things, I think. He’s kind of like a big teddy bear too, and he’s really comforting to be around-” he stopped short, noticing Hyunggu shaking his head.

 

“Holy fuck, you have it bad, hyung,” he said, and Changgu felt his face flush.

 

“I like girls,” Changgu insisted, and Hyunggu shrugged.

 

“So do I. But I like guys too.”

 

“I don’t have a crush on Yan An,” Changgu added, hurried and defensive. “He- if he was a girl, maybe I’d date him.”

 

“Why does it matter if he’s a guy or a girl?” Hyunggu pointed out, and Changgu stammered unintentionally.

 

“It just… does. I don’t know if I could explain it to someone who isn’t straight.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Hyunggu said, disbelieving. “Well, hyung, if you and Yan An ever happened to start dating by some freak accident, or you come to the conclusion you want to date him- talk to me.”

 

“That won’t happen,” Changgu said, looking at the sidewalk under his feet. “But, uh… thanks. For the offer.”

 

“Anytime,” Hyunggu said, smiling up at Changgu. “I miss you.”

 

Changgu smiled back, showing teeth. “Yeah, I miss you too. I’m glad we’re talking again.”

 

“We’re not allowed to stop talking again,” Hyunggu added, forceful.

 

“Agreed,” Changgu promised, putting his arm over the younger’s shoulders. He didn’t like guys, he thought. He didn’t want to date Hyunggu, not that Hui or Hyojong would ever have let him. He didn’t want to date Shinwon, even though he was attractive. He most certainly didn’t want to date Park Jiwoo.

 

He almost started wondering what made Yan An different before he stopped himself, and shut the thought process behind a locked door in his brain.

 

“How are you, hyung?”

 

The words pulled him back down to reality, and he was surprised to realized they’d already passed the school at some point, without him even noticing. Now, they were within ten minutes of arriving at his house, and he felt his palms grow clammy. “Uh… what, sorry?”

 

“How are you?” Hyunggu repeated, looking the elder over. “I know you can’t be as great as you’re acting.”

 

“You think you know a lot of things,” Changgu commented, not meaning his comment to sound as rude as it did. Thankfully, Hyunggu just laughed.

 

“Yeah, good point. But I especially think I know this. Are you sure you’ll be okay if you have to talk to your father?”

 

Changgu thought about it, truly and sincerely, for the first time since he’d made the decision to come back that morning. He remembered the fading bruises on his arm, and other times, and what his father had told Yan An the day before.

 

“I think it’ll be better if we finish quick,” he said, and Hyunggu nodded.

 

“I’m here for you,” he promised, smiling in a way that was shockingly assuring. Changgu smiled without too much enthusiasm.

 

“Thank you.”

 

They reached Changgu’s house in relative silence, Changgu feeling his anticipation building and building as he walked, each step adding another ton of weight onto his shoulders. So when he saw that the lights were turned off and there was no car in the driveway, he felt some of it lift away.

 

“He’s not home,” Changgu announced, picking up his pace. Hyunggu kept up with him, a grin coming over his features.

 

“Great, we’ll have no problem then,” he said, and jumped up the steps. Changgu withdrew his key and prayed that his father hadn’t got off his lazy ass and changed the locks already. When the lock clicked and the door swung open, he felt a rush of incredible belief.

 

“Okay, come on,” he said, bringing Hyunggu in and down the hall to the left. “My bedroom in at the end of the hall, find my duffle and put my charger and laptop in, I’ll meet you in a second.” Hyunggu nodded and started off, while Changgu entered the bathroom and snatched his toiletries off the counter. 

 

He joined Hyunggu moments later, and the two worked on filling his duffle and a few other carryable bags with the items he needed, like most of his wardrobe, his shoes, his uniform, and his books. He felt bad, realizing how much stuff they would really have to carry, but Hyunggu scolded him for worrying about that in a situation like this. 

 

Thirty minutes later, Changgu finished adding some photos to his bag and looked around the room slowly, before announcing, “That’s everything.”

 

“You sure?” Hyunggu asked, pulling the duffle over his shoulder and a small, old backpack over the other. Changgu nodded.

 

“Yeah. that’s it. Thank you, by the way.”

 

“Anytime,” Hyunggu said with a smile. “Though, I really do hope this doesn’t happen again.”

 

“You and me both,” Changgu snorted, setting two drawstrings and a bigger backpack on himself to carry, and felt weighed down. He wondered if they should call for Jinho or Hui or Hongseok once they got a distance out to come pick them up. They only hadn’t done that originally because they were worried about his father being home, but now they seemed to be alright. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

 

It was incredibly foreign, Changgu thought, to walk through this house. Not all his memories here were good, but there were some that were nice. 

 

He looked in the kitchen and saw himself learning to cook for the first time (pancakes, which turned out tasteless and disgusting, but he’d tried). 

 

The living room, where he and friends would come over and play video games together, if they could. 

 

The backyard, with the tree that had been climbable years before, before its bottom limb had fallen off.

 

He realized, standing in the center of his house, surrounded by familiarity that was positively screaming at him, that he was going to actually miss some aspects of this place.

 

Fuck his father, for being an asshole. Fuck Park Jiwoo, for telling his father shit. Fuck himself, for walking out that night rather than hiding in his room until the morning.

 

He saw Hyunggu looking at him. The boy opened his mouth to speak, probably something encouraging and sweet, but a sound made him slam his jaw shut so fast it was audible. Changgu heard it too, and felt his heart jump up into his throat. It was the sound of a car door closing, directly outside.

 

“Fuck!” he said, annoyed at himself, and rubbed at his forehead. Fuck! If they had been just a minute faster, this could all be avoided.

 

“It’ll be alright,” Hyunggu said, walking back to stand directly next to Changgu, nudging him very lightly with his shoulder. “I’m here. Just say whatever you need to say to get out of the house.”

 

Changgu nodded quickly, taking a breath, and staring down the front door. His father wasn’t even… really, his dad wasn’t incredibly dangerous. It would probably only take a minute of talking to explain and leave. Hell, the man may just tell Changgu to leave and that would be the end.

 

The door opened. Changgu could tell right away the man was drunk, and he stiffened a little.

 

“Changgu?” he asked, looking surprised and confused at first, then annoyed. “‘Said you’re not allowed to be here anymore.”

 

“I just came to grab my stuff,” Changgu said, shouldering his bags and trying to keep his voice calm. “We’re leaving now.”

 

“We?” Yeo Sr. appeared to just suddenly notice Hyunggu, and it didn’t appear he recognized him. “Who this? Gang shit?”

 

“Yeah,” Changgu said, walking forward, towards the doorway his father was still occupying. He repeated, “We’re leaving now,” with hopes it would inspire his father to move, but the man just narrowed his eyes.

 

“Nah, if you’re here, I’m gonna talk to you.”

 

“About what?” Changgu asked warily, and felt Hyunggu grab his hand and squeeze it. He squeezed back.

 

“‘Bout all the shit your friend Jiwoo tol’ me,” he said, stepping forward; Hyunggu and Changgu stepped backwards.

 

“I don’t know what he told you,” Changgu admitted, trying hard to keep his tone level.

 

“Said you’ve been running in a gang with some foreign kid, ‘n some rapist and drug addicts and a murderer and all that shit. I know it’s true, you can’ deny it.” And Changgu guessed he couldn’t really deny it anymore, even though he was fairly sure at least some of that was untrue, now. “Said you’ve got a faggot friend too, ‘s this him?” he pointed to Hyunggu, and Changgu shifted in front of him like that may help shield him from view. His father laughed. “It is?”

 

“We’re leaving,” Changgu insisted, walking forward again, but his father grabbed his arm told hold him in place and he winced, the grip tight on his couple day old bruises.

 

“Not done yet,” his father disagreed, and Hyunggu spoke up.

 

“Sir, we’re going to leave you alone-”

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Changgu’s father commanded, and Hyunggu regretfully obeyed, though he had tightened his grip on Changgu’s hand, like he was preparing to tug him away and through the door at the soonest opportunity. “You’re sixteen fucking years old, and you should considerer y’rself lucky I’ve kept you for tha’ long. I don’t wanna hear from you again unless you’re grown and apologizing for your behavior, ‘s that clear?”

 

“Yes, we’re leaving,” Changgu said, pulling his arm away from his father’s, but the grip just tightened. “Dad, I-”

 

“Don’t interrupt me,” his father snapped, and Changgu felt his blood run cold, even as he tugged again.

 

“I wasn- I’m sor-”

 

“I said don’t!” A hand collided with the side of his head and Changgu’s knees buckled in shock and disorientation, only held up by his father and Hyunggu. It had been a few years since his dad had hit him like that.

 

“Stop!” that was Hyunggu, pulling Changgu’s arm somehow, miraculously, away. “Just let us go!”

 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” the voice was practically spitting, slurred and overly angered.

 

“Come on,” Hyunggu again, his voice swimming through Changgu’s head while it was still attempting to to recover from the blow it’d been dealt. Changgu moved to stand up, and then cried out in pain when his fingers were stomped down on, feeling more than one thing snap in his hand.

 

Hyunggu let go of him, and the next thing he knew there was a thud, and his vision focused enough to tell him his father was on the ground for some reason or another. Then Hyunggu’s voice was in his ear yelling about going and he nodded, feeling throbbing in his head at the movement.

 

The air outside, which hadn’t been cold an hour before, was now biting at his skin, and the bags on his back were too heavy and dragging. They made it outside the neighborhood and to the road- how, he couldn’t comprehend, his hand hurt and his head was spinning- before Hyunggu stopped them. Changgu was thankful and dropped onto the sidewalk, sitting and leaning his back uncomfortably against a bag.

 

Hyunggu was talking, and he figured out quickly it wasn’t to him- he was on the phone and talking to someone else. Part of Changgu’s brain assumed it had to be someone from Pentagon, probably Hwitaek, and the other half just wanted to sleep, but every time he tried the pain in his hand protested, screaming at the slightest motion. He gasped, clenching his uninjured had on his shirt in attempt to distract.

 

“Hyung, you need to breathe.” Bless Hyunggu. “You’re panicking, calm down. Hongseok is on his way, and we’re going to go to the hospital, okay?”   
  


Changgu nodded, more automatic than anything, and tried to focus on his breathing. He hadn’t noticed until it was mentioned, but he was panicking, breathing too fast and not thinking straight. He swallowed, also noticing tears pricking in his eyes for the first time. “I- yeah, you’re right.” His ears were ringing loud, it was a miracle he’d heard anything Hyunggu had said at all. “You’re okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Hyunggu promised, sitting down next to him, and in the light of dusk Changgu saw he still had his phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder, listening for something. He also saw Hyunggu’s face was tense and pale. “Yeah, that’s the neighborhood,” he confirmed into the phone. “And don’t- tell Yan An it’s fine, he’s not dying or anything… yeah, I will… Hui, give the phone back to Hongseok, he needs to leave. I’m fine, I promise, but I’m going to the hospital too. I don’t know what we’ll tell them yet.” At whatever Hui said next, Hyunggu gave a small smile, something that looked strained to Changgu. “I know. Tell Dawnie too. Bye.”

 

He didn’t hang up, shifting the phone to his other ear and waiting for something, and while he did he looked Changgu over, eyes settling on the older’s hand. By the breath he took in at the sight, Changgu figured it didn’t looked great. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m tired,” Changgu admitted, the thought pressing on his mind, and he leaned againsr the bag beneath him to use like a pillow. “I’m… yeah. My hand hurts.”

 

Hyunggu snapped his fingers in front of Changgu’s eyes, shaking his head hurriedly. “You can’t sleep hyung, I just promised Jinho I wouldn’t let you.”

 

“Why not?” Changgu complained, and Hyunggu snorted.

 

“Listen to me, okay?” and Changgu nodded.

 

Hyunggu talked more on the phone, and about three minutes later there was a car driving down the road that he evidently recognized, because he straightened up and Changgu lifted his head with a wince.

 

“Come on,” Hyunggu said, pulling against Changgu’s arm to bring him to his feet, and Changgu obeyed, sliding into the backseat. In the front seats were Jinho and Hongseok, who was driving.

 

“How are you feeling?” Hongseok asked, and Changgu shrugged, blinking to keep his eyes open.

 

“Tired,” he admitted, the same way he had to Hyunggu, and Jinho shook his head.

 

“No sleeping until we get you checked out, okay?” Changgu wrinkled his nose in complaint, and he heard Hongseok laugh. “We’ll be at the hospital soon.”

 

“Do I need to go?” Changgu asked, tilting his head, and his vision blurred at the movement. He blinked again, leaning back in the seat.

 

“Kino says your hand is broken,” Hongseok said, and Changgu felt a spark of pain as though on cue. He winced. “And if your head hurts, we probably should check.”

 

The trunk of the car slammed and Changgu jumped, not even aware it had been open. A second later, Hyunggu joined him in the back.

 

“Are you okay?” Jinho asked as Hongseok began to drive. Hyunggu nodded in response, and Jinho sighed. “Hey, Changgu, it’s not really my place to say but… I think you should report your father.”

 

“I thought that was the plan?” Hongseok asked, confused, and Hyunggu nodded in agreement. But Changgu met Jinho’s eyes and shook his head slowly, even as it throbbed mercilessly. He probably looked like a mess, with teary, red eyes and a swelling face.

 

“I don’t want anything more to do with him,” Changgu said, quiet, and Hyunggu’s hand on his shoulder was appreciated. “I just- I’m done. I’m going to say I got in a fight, and that’ll be it.”

 

“Are you sure?” Hongseok asked, looking back in the mirror. “Are you completely sure?”

 

“I’m sure,” Changgu said, sniffling a little. “He was drunk, like always.” No, the only person he was mad at here was Park Jiwoo.

 

“We’ll be at the hospital in ten minutes,” Hongseok promised, and Jinho looked like he wanted to say something, but closed his mouth at the last second. Hyunggu was quiet, like he didn’t know what to do, but Changgu appreciated his presence anyway.

 

When he thought about going home, he thought about Yan An.

 

\---

 

_ October 25th, 10:57 p.m. _

 

The door creaked open and Changgu kept his eyes shut, partially still sleeping and partially because the part of himself that was growing aware still wasn’t sure if it wanted to be. Voices came into his consciousness, distorted at first and then clearer, slowly to the point of understanding.

 

“- but he’s still asleep, he’s probably exhausted right now-”

 

“It’s fine, I won’t wake him.” Familiar, He ached, wanting to open his eyes and see, but they were heavy and his limbs didn’t respond. His shoulder was stiff and his arm was numb.

 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Unfamiliar, feminine.

 

Footsteps heading his way, three sets, moving somewhat different from each other.

 

“I told you he’d be fine.” That was Hyunggu.

 

“I know. I just don’t like that it happened at all.” Yan An, soft and agitated.

 

“You’re not going to try to say this is your fault, right?” Less familiar, but his waking brain knew it was Hui.

 

“No.” Yan An’s tone was not believable at all. Apparently Hyunggu thought the same.

 

“It’s no one’s fault, and it’s definitely not yours.”

 

“It’s not your’s either, Kino,” Hui added, pointed.

 

“It’s not mine, but it’s more mine than Yan An’s.”

 

“Nobody’s at fault,” Hui disagreed. “Nobody’s except Changgu’s dad.”

 

“And Park Jiwoo’s,” Yan An said, annoyed. He must have already explained that part of the story to them, because neither Hui or Hyunggu questioned it.

 

“Doctor said he won’t wake up until tomorrow,” Hui said, changing the subject. “So I guess we should go home for now.”

 

“I’m not,” Yan An disagreed, insistent.

 

“Me neither,” Hyunggu answered, tone the same.

 

Hui sighed, audible and heavy. “You guys both have school tomorrow.”

 

“You had school an entire year you didn’t go to,” Hyunggu said, and there was a sound like Hui had hit him.

 

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

 

“Hyunggu can go, but I’m not leaving,” Yan An said, steadfast. “I don’t want him to wake up with none of us here.”

 

“... Okay,” Hui said, giving in far too easily in Changgu’s opinion. He ignored Hyunggu’s instant protest. “Alright, fine. I’ll talk to Jinho and Hongseok, and if either of them agree to stay with you, then you can stay.”

 

“You sound like my dad,” Yan An said, and Hui laughed awkwardly.

 

“Yeah, I guess I kind of do. But someone’s gotta look out for you. Do your parents know?”

 

“I told them both an hour ago,” Yan An responded. “Mom says she hopes he feels better and Dad said I can miss school for one day if I need to.”

 

Changgu doubted him and his words, but it seemed to fly well enough for Hui. “Yeah, okay. Come down to the lobby and say goodbye in a few minutes, okay? I need to take Kino home.”

 

“I don’t want to go home yet,” Hyunggu protested, more audible.

 

“I’ll come with you tomorrow,” Hui promised, voice going farther away. “Besides, your parents would kill me if I didn’t enforce that you need to go to school. Hell, so would Dawn.”

 

“That’s scarier,” Hyunggu said, also farther away, and they both giggled before a door closed behind them.

 

A chair scooted closer to Changgu, and he guessed Yan An sat in it. A warm hand covered the one he could still feel, and he felt like this was some tv cliche, like he was the dying girl in a coma and Yan An was the suffering boyfriend. He almost laughed and he thought Yan An saw.

 

“You’re smiling,” Yan An said, squeezing Changgu’s arm. “Are you awake?”

 

“A li’l,” Changgu admitted, tongue and head heavy, and he felt more than heard Yan An laugh. “I’m sleepy.”

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep.”

 

“‘Wanna talk to you,” Changgu said, shifting his wrist a little. Thankfully, Yan An caught on to what he wanted, and took hold of his hand. Changgu smiled a little wider. Even though he hadn’t found the strength to open his eyes yet, he could picture Yan An smiling too.

 

“I wanna talk to you too, but you’re doped up with pain meds,” Yan An said, amused. “You broke some fingers in your hand and shattered some kind of bone. And you have a concussion. The doctor said it must have been a hell of a strong punch for a kid to his you like that, so I think she knows.”

 

“That’s okay,” Changgu mumbled, holding tight to Yan An’s hand. “I don’t really care. Ah.... I’m sorry I scared you.”

 

“You didn’t do anything,” Yan An insisted, sounding almost angry in his insistence. “And I wasn’t scared, I was just worried. Kino called and said you’d gotten hurt and I thought it was way worse than this, so I’m just glad it wasn’t.”

 

“Yeah,” Changgu agreed, not following all of what Yan An was saying, but trying his best. “And, uh… Hui?”

 

Thank god Yan An appeared to understand him, even with his brain all scrambled from drugs and injury. “He drove me here. Jinho and Hongseok are here too, though I don’t really know why they’re still here. I think they must have taken a liking to you at the party. Dawn, Shinwon, and the others went home, but they were glad to hear that you were okay.”

 

Changgu was proud of himself, thinking he might have caught the gist of what Yan An was saying. He nodded his head, miniscule motions. “Mmm.”

 

“Go to sleep, hyung,” Yan An scolded, and he felt a welcome, soothing hand brush his hair back. “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

 

“I really like you,” Changgu said sleepily, tightening his grip on Yan An’s hand. “Like-like. Like, gay, I think.” His thoughts weren’t scanning or filtering or comprehending his words, and maybe that was a good thing.

 

He thought he heard a smile in Yan An’s voice when he said, “Me too.” before he drifted off again.

 

\---

 

_ October 26th, 7:29 a.m. _

 

Changgu’s head felt like it was splitting open and he winced, curling in on himself as much as he could for protection. He opened his eyes groggily and was assaulted with bright, artificial light above his head, beaming down offensively. Fuck that, thought Yeo Changgu, closing his eyes again and turning his head into his pillow.

 

“... Awake?” asked a sleep-ridden voice to his side, and he quickly realized it was Jinho, sleeping in the chair next to his bed. His hair was mussed up and he looked smaller than normal, and Changgu thought that thinking a hyung four years older than him was  _ cute _ was a little weird but it was true, without a doubt.

 

“Kind of,” Changgu answered, voice cracking. He shifted up in the hospital bed, only just remembering he was in a gross hospital gown. Gross. “Where- where’s Anie?”

 

“He went to get me coffee and himself breakfast,” Jinho answered, yawning widely as he tried to sit up straighter. His clothes were wrinked, and Changgu felt bad.

 

“Thank you for staying here overnight,” he said, and Jinho shook his head.

 

“No, it’s not a problem. I’m glad you’re okay.”

 

“Thank you, me too,” Changgu admitted. The door opened and they both looked up, but it was a small woman rather than a tall, teenaged boy.

 

“Good morning, Changgu,” she said, and Changgu recognized her from the day before as his doctor. “How are you feeling?”

 

“My head hurts,” he admitted, and she smiled a little.

 

“Yeah, I’d guess that much. I’ll give you some medicine with your breakfast.” She went on to examine his hand and remark that the bones were straightening well following the surgery and settings that had happened- fuck, he’d forgot that he’d had surgery, how the hell had that managed to slip his mind. She straightened up just as Yan An entered, holding Jinho’s coffee and a breakfast sandwich in his hand.

 

“Good morning, Dr. Kim,” he greeted with a quick bow, and she nodded his way.

 

“Good morning Yan An, have you slept?”

 

“A little,” he said, awkwardly.

 

“Well, I was just about to tell Changgu that we can discharge him after I explain what he needs to do in the follow up, do you want to listen?” When Yan An nodded, she went on to talk. Some of it was simple, like keeping the hand still and cared for, and being careful of his head, but other stuff was a little more worrying- coming back to check for nerve damage in a few days, and more surgery eventually to remove the pins they’d put in his hand. Changgu swallowed and paid close attention to it all.

 

“You’re discharging him, correct, Jo Jinho-ssi?” the doctor asked. Jinho nodded and she pulled him aside to do some kind of paperwork.

 

Changgu smiled up at Yan An, who placed Jinho’s coffee on the nightstand and took his chair. “Morning.”

 

“Morning,” Yan An said, returning the motion. “Are you feeling alright?”

 

“I think so,” Changgu said, considering. He gestured to his head. “This is still sore, and my cheek hurts like hell, but the hand isn’t actually that bad.”

 

“I’m glad,” Yan An said, sincere.

 

“Did you sleep?” Changgu asked, and Yan An glanced away sheepishly. Changgu hit him lightly on the shoulder. “You need to sleep!”

 

“I’ll sleep when we’re home,” Yan An promised, and Changgu nodded approvingly. “I missed school today, and I have to go tomorrow, but doctor’s say you shouldn’t go until Thursday, at least.”

 

“Something good came out of this,” Changgu said happily, with a loud laugh. Yan An sighed dramatically, glancing off towards Jinho and the doctor. Changgu followed his gaze. “How did Jinho convince her to let him sign my stuff instead of my dad?”

 

“I think she kind of figured it out,” Yan An said. “That your dad did this, I mean. So I think she bent some rules to make it happen.”

 

“I’m happy for it,” Changgu said, looking back to his friend. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.”

 

“You definitely didn’t ruin my birthday,” Yan An said, looking down at his lap. “I liked spending it with you and everyone else, even if something bad happened later.”

 

“It’s so weird,” Changgu said after a second, and Yan An looked interested. “I mean… it was a Sunday. My dad doesn’t work Sundays. And it was only a little past five anyway, and even my dad wouldn’t get that drunk so early on a Sunday. And if he was that drunk, how did he manage to drive himself home without getting in an accident?”

 

“I don’t know,” Yan An answered, even though the questions weren’t aimed at him. “Maybe… maybe you just got bad luck yesterday.”

 

“Maybe,” Changgu conceded, dropping his head back on his pillow. When he reached out to grab Yan An’s hand and Yan An took his, and they smiled at each other, it was different than it had been before. Maybe not more, but different. The grip between their hands was soft and held more meaning, and their smiles had a different kind of fondness to them than they had- or maybe it was the same kind, just more recognizable.

 

“So,” said Yan An, and nothing more.

 

“So,” Changgu agreed. “I didn’t dream what I said before I went to sleep, right?”

 

“Nope,” Yan An assured, smile increasing childishly, and Changgu laughed silently.

 

“I’m… really happy, about that.”

 

“What happened?” Yan An asked, and Changgu knew what he was referring to.

 

“I was… I don’t know. I was in denial.” He brought Yan An’s hand closer, thumb moving lightly over it. “And I just… last night, I was talking to Hyunggu, and after the thing happened, I remembered thinking I really, really wanted to see you. And it kind of his me, that I shouldn’t pretend that the way I like you isn’t different from the way I like Hyunggu, or anyone else. Because, uh-” he felt like his face was burning, and it probably was. Yan An’s cheeks were red too. “Being with you makes me pretty damn happy, and I wanted you to know.”

 

Yan An laughed, probably trying to distract from his own embarrassment, but Changgu thought that he saw happiness in his face too. “I- yeah, you too. You too, a lot, too.” His words were stuttery and extra accented, and Changgu snickered.

 

“You’ve lived in Korea how many years, Anie?”

 

“Shut up,” Yan An said, flipping his hair back. Changgu laughed again, feeling strangely light.

 

Changgu thanked the doctor profusely before they left, hoping she understood all the reasons he was thankful. And he thought she did, by the sweet way she said “No problem.” but he no way to be sure.

 

Changgu also thanked Jinho, hugging the smaller man in the lobby, and Jinho hugged him back in an awkward way that he was beginning to discover was so very Jinho.

 

“I bet Hongseok is missing you,” Changgu said, once they were piled in the car and driving for home. Jinho nodded.

 

“Yeah, he hasn’t stopped texting me all night, so he probably didn’t sleep either. It’ll be a lazy day for us while we sleep.” He looked back in the mirror. “Same for you two, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Yan An answered immediately, sleep likely prominent on his brain.

 

“Call me if there’s any problem,” Jinho said, smiling kindly. “Even if I’m asleep, it won’t be a problem.”

 

“Hongseok wouldn’t let you leave,” Yan An pointed out, laughing. Jinho laughed too.

 

“That’s a good point, but I’ll find a way.”

 

“Thank you,” Changgu said again, and received a sincere, “You’re welcome,” in return.

 

They waved Jinho off on Yan An’s doorstep before stepping inside, and it smelled and felt so overwhelmingly like home that Changgu just stood still and soaked it in a few moments before he could move again. He pulled off his coat and sat it on the hanger, and hadn’t even turned around before Yan An enveloped him in a tight hug, full of warmth and sweetness. Changgu relaxed instantly, leaning back against the taller.

 

“Hi,” he hummed more than said, comfortable, and felt Yan An’s laugh against his back.

 

“Hi.” The younger loosened his grip, swaying a little, clearly content with just holding onto Changgu. “Are you going to take a nap with me?” It was shy and cute and Changgu felt a crazy wave of affection wash through him as he nodded.

 

“Yeah. Is the house cleaned up from the party?”

 

“I’ll deal with it later,” Yan An decided, effectively giving his answer, and Changgu snorted.

 

“Right, okay.” He caught sight of something from the corner of his eye and gasped, extracting himself hurriedly from Yan An and hurrying to a door. He yanked it open and felt Yan An hovering behind him, confused.

 

“What?” he asked after giving Changgu a second, and Changgu grinned widely as he pulled out the bag from the day before, containing his birthday present. Yan An’s eyes widened in comprehension. “How?”

 

“I had money,” Changgu said, chuckling at the surprise on Yan An’s face. He pushed the bag to Yan An and nodded encouragingly. “Look at it!”

 

Yan An obeyed, reaching his hand in and pulling out a looped piece of cord with a charm on it, showing the English letter ‘one’ on it. His eyes lit up, even though Changgu was still aware of his confusion. “A bracelet?”

 

“I didn’t say I had much money,” Changgu pointed out, and snickered. “It has the English for ‘one’ on it. It reminded me of you because… oh my god, this is way cornier to say out loud than I thought.”

 

“I wanna hear it!” Yan An urged, and Changgu bit back a smile.

 

“Because… you’re, like, the one constant in my life right now. Number one, I guess.” His face was heating, but Yan An looked so touched, so he figured this was going over well. “So, I wanted the bracelet to remind you that even though we haven’t known each other long, you’re really important to me.”

 

Yan An looked awed at the bracelet and slid it on his wrist, the fit a little loose but not bad. “That’s… that’s so corny, Changgu.”

 

“I know,” Changgu said, embarrassed, and hugged Yan An tightly. “It’s so corny.”

 

“... You’re my number one too,” Yan An said after a second, his arms wrapped around Changgu’s waist. Changgu laughed, hiding his face in Yan An’s chest.

 

“Now look who’s corny.” Changgu said.

 

“You’re so number one, your name should be number one,” Yan An joked, and Changgu laughed harder.

 

“Yeo One?” he asked, and Yan An shrugged. Changgu rolled his eyes.

 

“I think it would fit you,” he said, and Changgu shoved the younger’s chest lightly.

 

“Anyway, I thought you were tired,” Changgu said pointedly, and Yan An nodded enthusiastically. “Then let’s go to sleep.”

 

The lights off, and comfortable under the sheets, it was not even noon. But still, Changgu said, “Good night, Anie.” And Yan An found Changgu’s good hand under the sheets, squeezing it and then just holding it. 

 

“Night, Yeo One.”

  
Changgu went to sleep with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> [my listography!](http://listography.com/jinhoes?m=6404158689)
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> yell at me about ptg and my writing on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/jin_hoes) or [my tumblr](http://jin-hoes.tumblr.com)


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